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Are You a Germaphobe Parent? Signs You Might Be One
When I envisioned motherhood, I never imagined the overwhelming presence of germs that would accompany the joy of raising children. I certainly didn’t foresee my kids experiencing stomach bugs in public places or my partner and I juggling our roles as we navigated midnight cleanups in separate bathrooms.
As a child, I had my own quirks, but the concept of germs didn’t faze me until I became a mom. Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by little ones who seemed to thrive on spreading germs. It left me wondering how long it would be before they mastered basic hygiene, like blowing their noses or using the toilet when they felt ill. Spoiler alert: we’re still working on it.
It felt as though I morphed into a germaphobe overnight. I’m stuck in a cycle of counting the days until the latest stomach bug finally passes (spoiler: it never does) and anxiously checking for school notes about lice outbreaks (yep, those have come home too).
If you think being a mom and a germaphobe should be mutually exclusive, let me reassure you: they can coexist. I’m living proof, and I know many of you can relate. Whether it’s using shopping-cart covers or distributing hand sanitizer like treats at the park, you are not alone. Here are a few indications you might be a germaphobe parent:
- Shopping Cart Anxiety: You approach shopping carts like a game of Russian roulette, desperately trying to pick the one that hasn’t recently housed a child with a nasty illness. You pray your choice is “safe.”
- Hand Sanitizer Supplier: Your home, purse, and car could easily supply a hand sanitizer business. I personally carry at least two bottles of liquid safety in my bag, along with wipes. My car is stocked with Costco-sized dispensers, and there’s always one on the kitchen counter.
- Non-Shared Meals: You rarely indulge in eating after your kids or allow them to eat after you. Sharing a water bottle? Absolutely not. Kids, make sure to pack your own drinks for outings!
- Restroom Protocols: You wish you could don a hazmat suit when entering public restrooms. Instead, you find yourself giving your toddler strict instructions while you try to use the facilities: “Stand still, don’t touch anything. Hands in pockets!”
- Museum Caution: Visiting a children’s museum feels like stepping into a germ-infested zone. You do it for your kids, but you plan for a week of isolation afterward, anticipating the inevitable E. coli from communal toys.
- Handwashing Drill: When your kids come home from school, they know to head straight to the sink to wash their hands—hugs and cuddles can wait until after that.
- Quarantine for Illness: If your child is unwell, they get quarantined. You maintain a safe distance, offering sympathy from afar: “It’ll be over soon!” while internally panicking about possible contagions.
- Avoiding Play Areas: Fast-food playlands are a definite no-go for you. Just the thought of a “ball pit” sends shivers down your spine.
- Public Surfaces as Germ Zones: Doorknobs, stair rails, and other public surfaces might as well be breeding grounds for germs. Your kids have learned early to avoid eating from public tables and to flush toilets with their feet.
- Fear of School Germs: When your child mentions a classmate got sick, you want to perform a protective ritual, anxious that your child might already be exposed. Deep breathing exercises become necessary.
Yes, it can be exhausting to operate this way, but as time goes on, I’ve found it gets a bit easier. I know that hand sanitizer isn’t the ultimate solution, and you might roll your eyes when I offer it to your kids. But if you’re in a public space and can’t sit at a dirty picnic table, I’ve got your back—just let me grab a sanitizing wipe from my purse.
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Summary:
Many parents find themselves obsessively cautious about germs after having kids. From scrutinizing shopping carts to enforcing strict hygiene practices, germaphobe parents navigate a world filled with potential illness. Yet, they often find themselves in good company among fellow concerned parents.