There was a time when school lunches were a source of dread for my son, Max. He’s our eldest and has always been incredibly selective about his food. When I say selective, I mean he only enjoys a few items—cereal, macaroni and cheese, candy, and pistachios. It’s astonishing how narrow his taste buds are, and I can’t help but reflect on my own picky eating habits. While I’ve learned to tolerate various dishes when visiting others, I would gladly survive on breakfast cereal and diet soda if left to my own devices. I empathize with Max’s fear of school lunches, and I must admit it frustrates my partner as well.
I can’t say whether school lunches today are as unappetizing as they were in the ‘90s, or if they were ever truly terrible. Maybe it was just my aversion to relinquishing control over my meals. The idea of having to choose between lasagna or meatloaf, both served with half-frozen tater tots, was not appealing. Regardless, Max insisted on bringing a packed lunch every day, and the thought of facing school without it felt as daunting to him as entering a dark cave. He simply wouldn’t eat anything that wasn’t made at home, based on his short list of “approved” foods.
The turning point came when Max refused to clean his room one evening. Living in a cramped two-bedroom apartment made any mess unbearable. As he stubbornly crossed his arms, I glanced at his packed lunch in the kitchen and said, “If you don’t want to clean your room, then you’ll have to eat school lunch tomorrow.”
He didn’t throw a tantrum, but the look in his eyes told me he was in agony. As parents, we often find satisfaction in discovering what motivates our children. While some parents may remove screen time or take away privileges, for us, it was the dreaded school lunch. I picked up the bag, as if it were a weapon.
After years of trying to find the most effective way to encourage him to pick up after himself, I finally discovered the ultimate motivator. Max wasn’t a bad kid, but nothing is more exasperating than a child who refuses to do chores or homework. You think you’ve found the perfect punishment, only for them to shrug and say, “Is that all you’ve got?”
So, he eventually cleaned his room. For a long time, school lunch was a punishment for him, and soon enough, it became one for our daughter, Mia, too. I’m sure some parents will judge me, claiming that using school lunch as punishment is extreme. Maybe I’m setting them up for lifelong eating issues or creating a link between food and chores that leads to unhealthy habits.
But then something remarkable happened. After a couple of years of threatening with school lunches, one day Max casually remarked, “That’s okay. I like school lunch.” At that moment, I felt like I had lost my power. However, the next day, I realized the significance of his statement. This child, who once dreaded any food outside his comfort zone, had grown comfortable with school lunches. He’s still a picky eater, but he’s not as fussy as he used to be. Anyone who has shared a meal with a picky child understands how monumental this shift is.
Now in fourth grade, Max no longer brings a packed lunch. He simply goes to school and eats what’s offered. Sometimes, parenting surprises us; in my attempt to make him more responsible, he became a more adventurous eater. I didn’t foresee this outcome, but it’s a win. Now I just need to figure out what my next course of action will be when he refuses to clean his room again.
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In summary, what began as a tool for punishment transformed into an unexpected pathway for growth in my son’s eating habits. While navigating parenting challenges, sometimes the solutions come from the most surprising places.