My baby boy jolts awake from a less-than-ideal nap in his stroller, immediately bursting into tears. Panic and embarrassment flood over me as I realize I’m seated among other mothers at a drop-in session. Still feeling like a stranger in my own body, I awkwardly rise and rush to my little one.
In my attempts to calm him, nothing seems to work. He rejects the pacifier, ignores the rattle, and I’m tapped out after nursing him not long ago—both figuratively and literally. The heat rises in my cheeks as I reluctantly decide to leave the gathering, despite just getting there. Other moms glance my way, their faces a mix of sympathy and pity. Their babies are either cooing happily or sound asleep, while mine screams at the top of his lungs.
I had longed for this social connection, craving the support that would remind me of who I used to be. I wanted to be the lighthearted woman who could laugh and make jokes, not this anxious, confused person plagued by exhaustion and resentment towards a baby who won’t sleep. I barely recognize myself.
As I walk home, my baby still wailing, I grapple with feelings of helplessness and the overwhelming weight of perceived failure as a mother. A nagging realization dawns: perhaps my anger is directed more at myself. I chose this path—becoming a mom was no accident; it was a decision I made.
Finally home, I lay down to nurse him again in hopes he’ll drift off. He suckles for a few moments but then starts crying once more. In a moment of frustration, I lose control and shout, “Why won’t you sleep?!” In a blind fit of rage, I grab a pillow and, for a split second, cover him. “Shut up!” I scream before bursting into tears and pulling the pillow away. Now, both of us are sobbing—me and my 3-month-old baby.
Reflecting on that chaotic moment, it’s clear I needed more support, like extra help with childcare, and perhaps a better milk supply. But above all, I required patience and compassion for myself during this turbulent transition. I was inadvertently intensifying my postpartum depression by resisting the changes that motherhood brought.
As women, we are innately wired to nurture, both physically and emotionally. The maternal instinct runs deep within us, shaped by biology and psychology. After giving birth, we undergo profound changes that are permanent. Resisting this transformation is like trying to hold back a powerful force of nature—a futile battle.
In our modern world, women enjoy opportunities that were once limited, allowing us to explore independence, careers, and personal passions. However, this newfound freedom can complicate the transition to motherhood. We fear losing our identities and the lives we once knew. For many, the arrival of a first child signifies a loss—the death of the woman we used to be.
As we navigate through the emotional whirlwind of joy and grief, a new identity emerges. You may not recognize the reflection you see while pushing a stroller, but with time, you will come to know this new version of yourself. Just as babies eventually learn to sleep through the night and transition out of diapers, you’ll reclaim the aspects of yourself that you cherish, creating a richer and more dynamic version of who you are.
In Canada and the UK, mothers receive 37 and 52 weeks of maternity leave, respectively. In the US, it’s only 12 weeks. It’s no wonder postpartum depression is so prevalent. We’re expected to bounce back immediately, to regain our former selves and juggle work with an infant at home—an illogical expectation. New mothers need ample time to adapt to their new roles, yet societal pressures often make this transition even harder.
My advice to new moms? Focus on making it through each day. Seek help, acknowledge that you’ve changed, and understand that life will never be the same. For the first few months, prioritize just keeping yourself and your baby fed and clean. You’ve got this.
For more guidance on this topic, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination, and consider this kit for your journey into motherhood. You can also learn about the importance of support in navigating the challenges of motherhood here.
Summary
Postpartum depression is often a response to the overwhelming changes that accompany new motherhood. Acknowledging these shifts and allowing oneself to embrace the new identity can help ease the transition. With patience, support, and kindness toward oneself, mothers can navigate this challenging yet transformative time.