“I’m 9 years old, and I struggle with OCD. Going to school is tough because I constantly worry that I’ll act strangely—like shouting inappropriate words or spitting my food out and then putting it back into my mouth. I don’t want to do any of that, but my OCD makes me feel like I have to, which leaves me feeling anxious all the time. The same feelings follow me home. At night, I battle urges to swear or check for monsters under my bed. When I have a bruise, I sometimes feel compelled to hurt it even more. Every day feels overwhelming and sad.”
These are the heartfelt words of my son. He is a remarkable child: imaginative, lively, compassionate, and full of promise. Yet, he feels isolated, weighed down, and believes that no one truly comprehends his struggle. Just last night, he expressed a simple desire for a normal life, free from the grips of OCD. My heart aches for him as he feels powerless, convinced that overcoming OCD is a monumental challenge.
Here’s how my son describes his school day:
- 9:00 a.m. – “Morning meeting: It’s enjoyable yet stressful because I fear I might accidentally say something inappropriate in front of my classmates.”
- 9:30 a.m. – “Math: A source of tension. I’m anxious about making loud noises or writing something embarrassing on the Smart Board.”
- 10:30 a.m. – “Reading: More worries about swearing or being disruptive in a quiet room.”
- 11:10 a.m. – “Recess and lunch: I usually enjoy recess, but I sometimes have urges to harm myself. Thankfully, it’s warm now, so my tongue won’t stick to metal poles. Earlier in the year, I couldn’t resist looking directly at the sun. During lunch, I eat everything in threes, and occasionally I drop food on purpose only to feel the urge to eat it again.”
- 12:00 p.m. – “Writing: This class is the toughest. I like my teacher a lot, but the quiet atmosphere heightens my anxiety from recess. I constantly feel the need to shout or make odd noises or even rip my paper.”
- 12:30 p.m. – “Specialists: Once a week, I have gym, which is nice. I do have some urges to act oddly during gym, but it’s not as frequent. Art, music, and Spanish classes also cause stress, just like the rest of the day.”
- 1:35 p.m. – “Social Studies and Science: Some days are manageable, especially when we’re busy with experiments. But on quieter days, especially when working in pairs, I feel a lot of anxiety about being loud or dropping things.”
- 2:30 p.m. – “Free-choice time: This is the only moment I feel at ease. I can read or play without worrying about others hearing or watching me.”
- 3:30 p.m. – “The bus ride is okay, but I can’t sit near the emergency alarm because I feel an urge to pull it.”
He shared that whenever he walks down the hallway, he has to touch his knees to the ground in threes (right knee down, left knee down, right knee down). There are many other compulsions, such as urges to scribble, take things that don’t belong to him, or even inflict pain on himself. Recently, he hurt his leg and sometimes feels like hitting it with a hammer. He knows it would hurt, and he doesn’t want to do it, but his OCD tells him he should. The battle against odd or embarrassing urges makes it hard for him to confide in others.
My son wants his story to be shared so that others can understand his experience. He is drained from fighting OCD and the fear of being discovered amplifies his struggles. He feels isolated but wishes to believe that he can be “okay” despite his OCD. If you have experienced OCD, could you take a moment to leave him some uplifting words? He needs to hear that he is not alone, that there is hope, and that OCD doesn’t have to define his life.
For those who may not understand OCD firsthand, thank you for taking the time to read this. While those without OCD cannot fully grasp the challenge of resisting compulsions or the weight of constant anxiety, I hope my son’s words provide insight and foster empathy for those living with it.
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In summary, living with OCD is a daily struggle filled with anxiety and compulsions. My son’s experiences highlight the need for understanding and support from those around him. He seeks connection and reassurance that he is not alone in his journey.