I never envisioned myself as a strict parent. I aspired to embody the calm, collected mother who doesn’t need to raise her voice to command respect. I aimed for that saintly level of patience, even though deep down, I recognized that I might not quite achieve it. Still, it was a worthy goal to strive for.
As my kids transitioned into their toddler years, I earnestly attempted to be the most patient version of myself. I listened attentively when they explained why they thought it was acceptable to flush their toys down the toilet. I didn’t react when they critiqued my dinner, even when they deemed the tacos—requested by them—as “disgusting.” I allowed them to snuggle up next to me at night, as long as they at least attempted to fall asleep in their own beds.
I felt like I was doing everything right. My aim was to teach my children that, despite their young age, they were worthy of kindness, respect, and patience. I believed that treating them with decency was not a special privilege, but rather a standard expectation. However, I soon realized that my good intentions had backfired.
One day, when my daughter started to scold me for denying her access to YouTube, it hit me—I had unknowingly nurtured a sense of entitlement in my children, which led to a serious lack of respect for me. That realization was a wake-up call.
From that moment on, my approach changed dramatically. I stopped tolerating their excuses for neglecting chores or leaving messes around the house. If the bathtub water ended up flooding the floor, instead of calmly explaining why that was unacceptable, I enforced an early bedtime as a consequence. Privileges were revoked, toys were taken away, and the TV went off more times than I could count. I had unleashed my inner ‘tough love’ mom.
Embracing this new role wasn’t easy; I didn’t want to be seen as the mom who harshly enforced rules like a drill sergeant. It was not the fun part of parenting, but something had to give. The persistent defiance, entitlement, and disrespect had to change. If I didn’t step in, my kids were at risk of becoming the ones nobody wanted to play with because they were, quite frankly, unpleasant. I had to decide between raising children without friends or ensuring they learned that I wouldn’t let them get away with everything anymore.
Coming to terms with my previous leniency was a challenging realization. I thought I was doing right by my kids, but in fact, I was not acting in the best interest of our family. Accepting that I might have been too patient and permissive was tough. Acknowledging you were wrong is never simple, and becoming a stricter parent is even more challenging. However, the hardest part is knowing you’re not doing your utmost to raise your children properly and refusing to pivot.
So, I chose to change my behavior to inspire change in theirs. We are all navigating this new chapter together. I’m gaining confidence in asserting myself, and they are learning to respect me, our home, and their belongings. They are starting to understand that I mean business when I outline consequences for certain actions. Although there are more moments now when they might not like my decisions, their morning cuddles assure me that they still love me. Maybe, just maybe, I’m on the right path.
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In summary, transitioning from a permissive parent to one who enforces rules is no easy feat. It requires self-reflection and a willingness to embrace change for the betterment of the family dynamic. While it can be uncomfortable, the love and respect that develop from these changes can ultimately lead to healthier relationships.