For nearly two decades, I’ve shared my life with a wonderful man named Mark. He has dark hair and warm brown eyes. I’ve only seen him without his beard once, and honestly, I prefer him with it; he looks incredibly handsome.
Mark is easygoing, especially when I’m feeling anxious. While I can talk endlessly at social gatherings, he’s generally more reserved. He easily stays up late and wakes up early, whistling as soon as he gets out of bed, while I need at least half an hour of quiet to gather my thoughts in the morning and a full eight hours of sleep to feel functional. He truly is the yin to my yang.
Fifteen years ago, we both felt ready to take the plunge into marriage. Eager to start a family right after saying our vows, we agreed to have kids close in age, and we did just that. Now, with three children, we find ourselves in agreement that living apart might bring us more happiness.
My love for Mark remains, but it has evolved into something different. It no longer possesses the strength to hold our marriage together, yet it endures. We’ve experienced profound moments together—he was by my side during the births of our children, we built a home, and we’ve supported each other through illness and loss. The love we’ve shared is enough to forgive our past mistakes, and we are leveraging that love to part ways amicably.
In our attempts to nurture our love as a married couple, we only seemed to drift further apart, and we recognized that change was necessary. Mark moved out two months ago. After a few weeks of solitude, I took a long-overdue trip with my best friend for a girls’ weekend. We enjoyed massages, explored shops, and relished our long conversations before stepping out of the car.
In the midst of a bookstore visit, while browsing through a poetry collection, I received a photo text from Mark showing our kitchen. He had taken down the cabinets and tiled up to the ceiling—exactly as I had envisioned for years. Inspired by his move, I had initiated the project with contractors, but he decided to surprise me by starting it himself while I was away.
Finding a quiet corner in the bookstore, I sat down for a moment, tears streaming down my face—not from sadness, but from happiness. It made me realize that even during this transitional phase, our love for one another has transformed in unexpected ways.
I hold deep feelings for Mark, and part of me always will, but our marriage has come to an end. Most of the time, I feel empowered and confident in our decision. However, there are moments when the reality stings, like when a familiar grocery store clerk comments on my smaller purchases, or when I visit a jeweler and am reminded of the rings I used to wear.
Yet, I remember what a fantastic father Mark is and understand that our decision to separate doesn’t have to be tragic. He will always be there for our children, and we will forever remain a family, regardless of the changes in our relationship.
While the pain of adjustment lessens, I’ve grown comfortable with not buying steak every week, and I find I no longer tear up at the sight of diamonds. My love for Mark persists because he is a good person. I appreciate that he listens when I share the challenges of being a single mother in her 40s; he truly cares. Though our family dynamics may look different now, the love we share hasn’t disappeared. It may not be enough to sustain our marriage, but it is more than enough to foster a happy family.
For more insight into creating families through alternative means, check out this resource on home insemination, or learn about various methods at Make a Mom. Additionally, for those exploring fertility options, this guide on in-vitro fertilization is invaluable.
Summary:
After nearly two decades together, I still care deeply for my husband, Mark, yet our marriage has reached its conclusion. Despite the love that remains, it’s no longer sufficient to maintain our relationship. We’ve chosen to part ways while still supporting each other as co-parents. Our family may look different now, but the love and connection persist, allowing us to navigate this change with mutual respect.