The moment I learned I was having a son coincided with a particularly dark day in American history: the day George Zimmerman was released on bail after killing Trayvon Martin. It served as a stark reminder that hatred and ignorance can engulf anyone, including innocent children.
Before this revelation, I was a steadfast feminist. As a woman of color, I resonated with the womanist teachings of Alice Walker and Delores Williams. I participated in campaigns for equal pay, actively supported Planned Parenthood in New York, and dedicated my time to organizations that provided shelter for homeless women and their children. My upbringing as one of two daughters raised by a single mother instilled in me a strong focus on women’s empowerment. But everything shifted when I held my baby boy for the first time.
In the immediate aftermath of childbirth, while many thoughts raced through my mind—hopes for his future, worries about the challenges he might face—I began to contemplate how the world would perceive him. I initially saw having a son as an opportunity to foster respect for women and instill an understanding of their significance. My aim was to raise a boy who would champion equality. However, I soon realized that boys also need to be reminded of their own worth and the right to equality. This realization fundamentally challenged and reshaped my view of feminism.
The Realities of Boyhood
While shopping at my local Target for my son’s first “big boy” underwear, I noticed a stark difference between the boys’ and girls’ sections. The boys’ area was significantly smaller, with limited options compared to a vibrant, well-stocked girls’ section. This disparity made me wonder whether the feminist movement inadvertently overlooked the emotional and societal challenges faced by boys. It dawned on me that the fight for women’s rights should also encompass addressing the misconceptions surrounding masculinity and the importance of emotional well-being in boys.
Statistics reveal that boys face their own set of challenges, from higher rates of eating disorders to increased dropout rates in school. These alarming facts began to weigh heavily on me as I realized that my little boy was part of this narrative. My conversations with male friends about their experiences with sexual assault opened my eyes to the lack of discussions around consent and emotional health for men, especially those raised by single mothers like me. Supporting our sons is just as crucial as advocating for our daughters.
Emotional Expression in Boys
One of the most profound insights I gained as a mother was the importance of allowing my son to express his emotions freely. While it’s natural to want to curb tantrums, I consciously give him the space to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry. I encourage him to acknowledge his emotions without invalidating them. When he experiences discomfort with physical affection, I respect his boundaries, ensuring he knows it’s okay to assert his needs.
This shift in parenting philosophy helps dismantle the outdated notion that boys must “suck it up” and reinforces the idea that emotional expression is a strength, not a weakness. My son, though still young, demonstrates an awareness of gender identity that challenges traditional norms.
Feminism and Masculinism: A Unified Approach
Mothering a boy has taught me that true feminism encompasses a commitment to championing masculinism too. The issues surrounding hypermasculinity and male privilege directly impact the feminist landscape. As the political climate becomes more conservative, the necessity for men to empathize with women’s experiences becomes paramount. By nurturing my son to be aware, compassionate, and self-accepting, I hope to raise a man who stands for justice and equality.
Boys who grow up in nurturing environments are less likely to seek validation through harmful behaviors. They learn to embrace their authentic selves without feeling threatened by a society that advocates for equality. This vision is what I strive for as I embark on this journey of parenthood.
As women and feminists, if we are committed to uplifting our daughters, we must also focus on the men they will encounter in their lives. My starting point is my son. For more on related topics, you can check out this insightful piece on intracervical insemination and explore resources like IVF Babble for valuable insights into home insemination. If you’re looking for quality products, visit Make a Mom for comprehensive kits.
In summary, becoming a mother to a son has profoundly reshaped my understanding of feminism. It has highlighted the importance of fostering emotional intelligence and resilience in boys, while advocating for a more inclusive approach to gender equality.