I recently stumbled upon a thought-provoking idea: we spend the majority of our lives living fully within the first two decades, with the rest of our time dedicated to processing those experiences. I’m still not sure if that’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever encountered or if it offers a strange sense of comfort. However, I’m convinced it’s a load of nonsense. What I do understand is that there comes a pivotal moment, particularly in your 30s, when life shifts from a constant cycle of planning and striving to simply embracing the present.
It’s tough to confront the reality that life may not have unfolded as we envisioned. I find it difficult to admit this, though I believe everything is happening as it’s meant to. Yet, it doesn’t align with the dreams I held as a child when, at just six, I excitedly read the Constitution while using the bathroom. I dashed to my mother with the thrilling news that my gender wouldn’t hinder my ambitions.
Years have passed since then, and while I made significant choices—like marrying young and having children—those decisions reshaped my dreams in ways I couldn’t foresee. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never be a professional dancer, a surgeon, or even a homebirth midwife. On another note, I still can’t garden and animals seem to have a strong aversion to me. I’ve wanted to master Mexican cuisine for years but still can’t move beyond melting cheese and shouting “ole.” It’s rather embarrassing.
But I’ve ticked off the big milestones: high school and college graduation, marriage, and motherhood. I’ve secured a career I enjoy, and I have a fulfilling hobby. The hard work of getting here is largely behind me, and now I’m (mostly) prepared to focus on enjoying what I have.
You’d think this stage would be straightforward, but it often isn’t. Who could have predicted that the phase where we settle into our choices would be the most challenging? The anticipation of what’s ahead was tough, but it was an exhilarating kind of difficult filled with hope. This, however, is simply reality. Perhaps the shift from looking toward the future to reflecting inward reveals that, even amid joy and chaos, a sense of longing persists.
So yes, I’ll say it: I had dreams that extended beyond this moment—dreams that don’t involve standing knee-deep in laundry with a weary body and a voice inside me still echoing childhood excitement. I traded some of those dreams for a life that, while fulfilling, is different from what I once envisioned. It’s a trade I would make again in a heartbeat, but it doesn’t negate the fact that the myth of “having it all” is misleading.
In truth, it’s impossible for anyone to truly have it all. We can experience wonderful things and savor significant portions of many pursuits. If you’re fortunate, like I am, you might even have an incredibly supportive mother-in-law who helps care for your children while you build a satisfying career. Yet, throughout my workday, a part of me remained with my kids, meaning I wasn’t wholly present at work. At home, with my phone by my side, I couldn’t devote my full attention to their needs either.
We often divide ourselves among various responsibilities, scattering our focus like confetti in hopes of satisfying everyone, including ourselves. Is that enough? I think so. The reality is that life with young children is challenging. We balance our chosen burdens and try to accept those we cannot bear, navigating a tightrope that isn’t always glamorous.
I might not be a trailblazer like Gloria Steinem, but I’m a weary mother of four, still wondering how I might have looked in a lab coat. Yet, here’s the most important point: we’re still evolving. Our little ones won’t stay little forever—they’ll grow, and so will we. Life is a journey filled with surprises, and we should never stop dreaming. To the person who claimed we only truly live for 20 years, I have so much more planned.
My aspirations have changed, of course. I wouldn’t want to be president, but I do dream about achieving enlightenment or mastering that elusive yoga pose. Yesterday’s ambition was simply to rise and shine in the morning, while this weekend, I hoped to enjoy a full movie with my husband without interruptions. Tomorrow, who knows? Perhaps I’ll finally learn how to make tamales or set out to save the world, depending on my caffeine intake.
Ultimately, it seems that the essence of dreams may be less about their specific content and more about having them to cling to when life’s everyday challenges feel overwhelming. None of us really knows where our paths will lead, but I’m eager to discover mine.
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Summary
Life transitions from youthful aspirations to a more present-focused reality as we navigate adulthood, often leaving behind dreams in exchange for fulfilling experiences. While it’s a challenge to balance responsibilities, it’s essential to acknowledge and grieve the loss of past dreams while embracing new ones. We’re all on a journey of growth, and every phase brings its own set of hopes and ambitions.