While talking with my older sister about our mom’s recent health scare, she shared a poignant observation: “Mom is struggling because this is the first time she can’t control time. She’s always dyed her hair to keep up appearances, but now with her heart issues, she’s facing something she can’t manage.” Thankfully, the surgery went well, but my sister’s insight struck a chord with me. As a man, I rarely ponder the passage of time beyond the occasional back pain or weight fluctuations. I’ve never really considered hair dye; I just expect I’ll go gray one day and accept it.
At 35, my wife, Sarah, and I show little sign of aging beyond a few extra pounds and some laugh lines. We lead a healthy lifestyle—neither of us smokes or drinks, and we eat mostly vegetarian meals. Honestly, I find Sarah even more attractive now than when we first met. However, this attraction has less to do with her physical appearance and more to do with the depth of our relationship.
Over the last 13 years, we’ve grown together, welcomed three children, moved to three different states, and collectively earned five college degrees, often while juggling parenting. My trust in Sarah is immeasurable; when I look into her eyes, I see wisdom, comfort, and unconditional love.
We sometimes debate who is smarter, and while I’ve got the higher degree, I know she’s the wisest person I know. Her advice is invaluable, and I find myself often acknowledging that she’s nearly always right. That shared journey makes me feel excited about her going gray. To me, gray hair symbolizes her wisdom and life experience, not a decline in beauty.
Society often equates youth with attractiveness, suggesting men can embrace aging while women cannot. I believe this is misguided. Sarah’s stretch marks and C-section scar are testament to her immense dedication to our family. They signify her sacrifices in bringing our children into the world, and I find her beautiful, both inside and out.
Perhaps that’s why I look forward to her hair turning gray. It signifies wisdom and life lessons learned, which I find incredibly appealing. I’ve expressed this sentiment to Sarah, but I’m also mindful of the challenges surrounding these conversations. A friend of mine who went gray early shared that well-meaning comments about her hair often felt like veiled criticisms, as if society deemed her gray hair a flaw rather than a badge of honor. This realization troubles me deeply.
I have never pressured Sarah to embrace gray hair for this reason; I want her to feel confident in her choices. If she decides to dye her hair, that’s entirely her decision. I want her to know that my love for her is rooted in who she is and who she is becoming. I hope this essay inspires others to shift their perspectives on aging and beauty.
We should take a moment to appreciate the aging process, especially in those we love. Rather than worrying about getting older, we should embrace the wisdom and commitment that come with it. After all, while we can’t turn back time, we can celebrate how far we’ve come together—gray hair and all.
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In summary, embracing the natural aging process can strengthen relationships and enhance our appreciation for the wisdom gained through life experiences.