When my children were little, it wasn’t a big deal to have them share a bedroom. They co-slept with us, spending most nights in our bed. As they grew, we realized it was important for them to have their own spaces. Thus, when we searched for a new home, finding something larger became our top priority.
After moving, they transitioned from tiny, cramped rooms to much more spacious ones. Our oldest and youngest finally had their own bedrooms, while our middle two shared the largest room, which felt like a mansion compared to their old quarters. I spent months gathering fun, kid-friendly decor, excited to create the most vibrant and welcoming spaces for them. I envisioned rooms they would never want to leave.
However, as the saying goes, the best-laid plans can go awry. A year into our new home, the kids enjoy their rooms during the day, but every night, we find ourselves in the same routine: “Mom, can I sleep with my brothers?”
It’s baffling. The pristine bed we bought for our youngest remains nearly untouched, while the stylish, couch-like bed in our oldest son’s room serves more as a hangout than a sleeping space. When night falls, all the kids gravitate toward the bunk beds in the shared room of their middle siblings. And it’s not a matter of occupying different bunks; they all pile into the bottom bunk, crammed together like sardines. At ages 11, 9, 7, and 4, they’re not tiny anymore, and my youngest is nearly the same size as my second-grader. With blankets and pillows piled high, space becomes a luxury, resulting in elbows in ribs and knees in backs.
“Why not sleep in your own beds?” I suggest almost nightly. “You’d sleep so much better.” I worry about their sleep quality; they can’t possibly be comfortable, and I fret over the potential consequences: poor performance in school, cranky moods, and all the other concerns that come with being a mother.
Yet every time I check on them before heading to bed, I find them blissfully asleep in a tangle of limbs. They resemble a litter of puppies, occasionally holding hands or resting their heads on each other’s shoulders. During the day, they bicker and annoy one another, but at night, they transform into a picture of sibling affection. As the sun sets, they seamlessly transition from wrestling to snuggling.
While I occasionally encourage them to sleep in their own beds, this is one battle I choose not to fight. Yes, their beds remain largely unused, and yes, they look uncomfortable all piled together. But I recognize these moments are fleeting. They won’t always seek each other’s closeness. In their shared sleep, they offer each other reassurance against whatever nighttime fears may lurk, knowing they can reach out for comfort. This unspoken bond will, I hope, lay the groundwork for a lifelong sense of support among them.
For this reason, I stand firm on all other aspects of our nightly routine—bedtime, brushing teeth, and so forth—while allowing this one small exception. Their connection now is just as vital as the sleep they might miss.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, Laura Jennings shares her experiences with her children’s sleeping habits, illustrating the beauty of their close bond during nighttime. Though they often opt to sleep together in a cramped space rather than in their own rooms, she embraces this connection as an essential part of their childhood, recognizing its importance in fostering sibling relationships.