Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: May 1, 2017
As my daughter approaches her second birthday next month, I find myself reflecting on the differences between my experiences with her and my son. When my son turned two, I was at the peak of my fitness journey. I was consistently exercising, sometimes even twice a day, because it brought me joy. My eating habits were balanced, allowing for occasional treats. Before becoming a mother, however, my lifestyle was far from active or healthy.
After my son was born, I fluctuated between dieting and exercising, managing to lose some of the 50 pounds I gained during my first pregnancy. Everything seemed to align perfectly when he reached 18 months; I finally felt like I was regaining my rhythm. Just as he turned two, I discovered I was pregnant again—surprisingly, I was already two weeks along.
Initially, my husband and I envisioned spacing our children two to three years apart. The plan was straightforward: once one was out of diapers, I would welcome another. Yet here we are, yearning for a third child, while I’ve decided to postpone pregnancy for at least another year until I shed the weight from my second pregnancy.
Unfortunately, I have not lost any of it.
To some, this may appear superficial. It is, to some extent. But for me, it’s a significant concern. I long for the confidence and vitality I experienced when my son was a toddler. Surprisingly, I felt better about my body after my first child than I ever did before motherhood. Although I’ve struggled with body image and food throughout my life, it was during my son’s early years that I discovered a routine that worked for us and encouraged a healthier lifestyle.
Now, I don’t want to introduce more challenges between myself and a goal that’s already proven difficult during this second round of motherhood. I gained 40 pounds with my last pregnancy and have experienced a frustrating cycle of losing a little, then regaining it multiple times over the past two years. My primary obstacle has been prioritizing self-care amid the demands of managing a household and two young children. There are indeed pockets of time available in my day, and I could alter my habits, but there’s also a long list of responsibilities—errands, work, chores, playtime with the kids, and meal prep. More often than not, I find myself at the bottom of that list.
This time, several factors have complicated my journey. I was consistently running and eating better for a while until a fall down the stairs left me with a painful hematoma on my hip, making even walking a challenge. Grocery shopping became a daunting task, and my running routine was sidelined. Shortly after that, I began experiencing frequent migraines, disrupting my progress just as I was establishing a rhythm. The constant start-and-stop pattern has been demoralizing.
Much of this struggle stems from fatigue. I often feel exhausted, but regular exercise tends to boost my energy—a frustrating cycle. Food also plays a significant role; when stress and worry drive me to seek comfort in food, it becomes an all-too-easy habit to fall back on. A rough day might lead to junk food, followed by a promise to do better tomorrow—a promise that keeps getting postponed.
I refuse to become pregnant again until I lose this weight, and not until I’ve maintained that weight loss long enough to feel secure that I won’t revert to old habits. Currently, when I look in the mirror, I see someone I don’t particularly like. She appears sad and frustrated, and it’s disheartening to realize she’s not taking any action to change. I don’t want to feel this discontent in my body again; I certainly don’t want to feel worse by getting pregnant again now.
Both my husband and I desire another child, and in every other aspect of my life, I feel ready. It’s incredibly frustrating that my weight is the barrier preventing me from pursuing something I genuinely want.
Making myself a top priority is challenging, but it’s essential. I’m slowly working my way back into a routine while being careful on stairs. I want to look in the mirror and recognize myself again, and I aim to return to the baby-making journey as soon as possible—but not just yet.
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Summary:
In this piece, Jenna Thompson shares her personal journey of deciding to delay pregnancy until she loses the weight gained during her second pregnancy. She reflects on the challenges of prioritizing self-care while managing a busy household and two children. Her commitment to achieving a healthier lifestyle before welcoming another child demonstrates the importance of body confidence and well-being in motherhood.