I’ve never personally faced mental health issues, but it wasn’t until I married my husband, Mark, nearly two decades ago that I truly began to grasp the complexities surrounding mental illness. My compassionate and gentle partner has struggled with anxiety throughout his life—this isn’t just simple nervousness or occasional anxious feelings; it’s a genuine disorder that can trigger panic without any clear cause.
Now, as the parent of a teenager, Lily, who also deals with anxiety and a specific clinical phobia, I’ve learned just how deeply these challenges can impact daily life. I had no real understanding of what a severe phobia looked like until I witnessed it firsthand. I’ve come to appreciate the immense effort it takes for individuals grappling with anxiety disorders to navigate daily tasks. For them, functioning is not about inability; it’s about expending far more mental energy than those of us who don’t have these struggles.
People without mental health challenges often misinterpret the experiences of those who do. It’s tempting to believe that if someone simply tried harder or adopted the coping strategies that work for us when we feel down or anxious, they could easily overcome their obstacles. We may attribute their struggles to upbringing, parenting, or traumatic experiences, which, while sometimes applicable, certainly don’t apply universally. It’s also easy to mistakenly think that someone is choosing to remain in a negative state or using their condition as an excuse.
What we need to recognize is that mental health conditions—like anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and ADHD—are not choices, much like how individuals cannot choose to contract juvenile diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, or cancer. Strikingly, society often exhibits far greater compassion and less stigma toward physical illnesses than mental ones. This discrepancy raises the question: why is it easier to empathize with those facing physical ailments compared to those living with mental health conditions?
One contributing factor is that mental disorders often manifest as extreme versions of feelings we all experience: anxiety, sadness, restlessness. This can lead to a false sense of understanding. Before I witnessed my loved ones managing clinical anxiety day after day, I believed I knew what anxiety felt like. However, the reality of an anxiety disorder is far more complex than mere nervousness.
Further complicating matters is the invisibility of mental illness. Most people would never guess that Mark and Lily face significant challenges, as their struggles are often internal. To outsiders, they may seem quiet or peculiar, but the reality is that the most profound battles often remain hidden beneath the surface.
For instance, Lily’s emetophobia (a fear of vomiting) may appear to be a typical aversion until you see her repeatedly question whether the mayonnaise we purchased is safe, or struggle to attend karate class out of fear that someone might unknowingly carry a stomach virus. To the world, she is simply a bright, reserved teenager, but only those closest to her are privy to the daily manifestations of her condition.
Those of us who care for individuals with mental health challenges understand their struggles and experience frustration when others cannot see their pain. We recognize that treatment often involves a process of trial and error, focusing on management rather than a definitive cure. It requires a multifaceted approach and a great deal of patience, often feeling like two steps forward and one step back.
We also acknowledge that while medication can be beneficial, it isn’t always the right solution, and anyone claiming to have a quick fix or miracle solution either lacks understanding or is not being truthful. People battling mental illness are not weak; in fact, they often display remarkable strength.
Those of us who do not grapple with mental health issues must accept that there is much we do not and cannot fully understand. This realization calls for increased empathy and reduced snap judgments. Given that nearly 1 in 5 individuals experiences a mental illness annually, it’s likely that we all know someone silently battling these issues. Reducing the stigma surrounding mental health can significantly help our friends and family feel secure and supported as they confront their invisible struggles.
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In summary, we must strive to cultivate empathy and understanding toward those facing mental health challenges, recognizing that their experiences are often invisible yet profoundly impactful.