Long before I became a gay parent, I was just a gay kid trying to navigate my world. My first crush appeared in kindergarten—a student teacher from a nearby college. I was enchanted, and when she left at the semester’s end, my heart ached. I may not have fully understood what being gay meant, but I felt the unique flutter of affection for another girl, feelings that seemed so out of place in a world that dictated boys liked girls, and vice versa.
My school years spanned 13 long years filled with sports and academics as I desperately tried to fit in. Despite the many kind and intelligent people I met, none provided an opportunity for me to feel safe or accepted regarding my sexuality. My family, influenced by religious beliefs and societal prejudices, was no refuge either. I often heard derogatory jokes and sensed the disdain toward those who were different. The message was clear: my feelings were not welcome.
For years, I carried this heavy secret, feeling ashamed and terrified of losing friendships and the approval of those I admired. This is not how childhood should be.
Fast forward 33 years; while progress has been made, challenges remain. Technology may have outpaced human kindness. I can ask my phone for directions more easily than I’ve secured marriage rights or parental benefits across the United States. Many children still live in fear of coming out as gay, lesbian, or transgender, and too often, they face bullying that can lead to devastating consequences.
As parents, we cannot shield our kids from all the negativity they might encounter, but we can create a sanctuary of love and acceptance at home. I know many of you already do this, but I urge you to consider that some of your children might be gay, whether they have come out or not. It’s essential to foster an environment where they feel comfortable expressing their true selves.
I’m not suggesting that you wrap your child in a rainbow flag or pressure them into wearing pink. Rather, I encourage you to assure your children that they can share anything with you. Celebrate the courage of your LGBTQ+ friends and family members. Introduce them to diverse literature that showcases various family structures, including those with same-sex parents. Most importantly, tell them that your love is unconditional, regardless of who they love.
If this seems daunting, reflect on this: When your child hugs you or beams at you (assuming they haven’t just wreaked havoc), cherish that moment. Would your pride and love for them change if they were gay? If they approached you, feeling down or hurt—again, assuming they haven’t just tested your patience—would you withhold comfort because of their sexuality?
Every child deserves love and nurturing, including those who are gay. They face enough battles in life; the fight for acceptance—both from society and from you—shouldn’t be one of them. You tolerate certain family members or co-workers; go beyond mere tolerance with your child. Embrace and love them for who they are, and encourage them to love themselves as well.
One of our core responsibilities as parents is to nurture confident children. Confidence is born from happiness, which should thrive in the safety of home.
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In summary, as we strive to raise our children in an accepting environment, let us remember that love and understanding are paramount. Every child should feel free to be themselves without fear of judgment.