Whenever the subject of extended breastfeeding arises, there’s always someone who chimes in with, “After a certain age, isn’t it more for the mom than the child?” This remark often elicits laughter from mothers who have nursed toddlers or preschoolers.
I breastfed all three of my children until they were just over three years old. Initially, I didn’t plan for it to last that long; I simply adopted a philosophy of “they’ll stop when they’re ready.” Growing up with a mother who was a La Leche League leader and later a lactation consultant, I was accustomed to the idea of prolonged breastfeeding. My mother told me I nursed until I was 2 and a half, and I witnessed my younger brother nurse until he was in preschool. I had read extensively about natural weaning ages and was aware that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years. To me, nursing beyond a year felt completely normal.
I didn’t start nursing with a fixed timeline in mind, but I couldn’t really envision breastfeeding a 3-year-old until I had one. The reality of nursing a toddler is that it doesn’t begin with a 3-year-old; you start with a newborn who grows. As time passes, nursing decreases to perhaps once or twice a day. There isn’t a specific age when it suddenly feels strange. It can be tiring at times, but it never felt weird to me.
I often ponder the origin of the belief that extended breastfeeding is more beneficial for the mother than the child. In my experience with many mothers who allowed their children to lead the weaning process, most were ready to stop nursing before their kids were. I felt prepared to stop around age 2 and would have been fine with that. However, my children were quite attached to nursing, especially at bedtime. Abruptly weaning them would have been akin to taking away a cherished toy. The potential emotional fallout wasn’t worth it to me.
In truth, we were gradually weaning. Once my babies started eating solid foods, the weaning process began, albeit very slowly and with a combination of their readiness and mine. I first ceased to offer nursing and only did so when they asked. Then I would occasionally distract them when they wanted to nurse but I wasn’t inclined to. As I became more ready to stop, we established rules about when and where to nurse. These steps unfolded over several years, introducing new boundaries that helped transition them away from nursing. Eventually, my children only nursed in the morning. It was a gentle process.
Throughout this journey, I never found myself thinking, “I really want to breastfeed right now.” In the early days, when I was engorged, I could understand that desire, but beyond that, nursing was never about my needs.
Those who claim that mothers nursing past a year do so for their own sake clearly have no firsthand experience with nursing a toddler. We all know how demanding toddlers can be; imagine them expressing that energy toward nursing. While nursing can be a sweet bonding experience, it’s often a challenge. I didn’t dislike it, but it wasn’t all sweetness and light for me either. However, since research indicates there are no negative consequences of nursing beyond a year and that breast milk remains beneficial for as long as a child nurses, I chose to let my children decide when to wean.
So no, I didn’t breastfeed my children past infancy because I wanted to cling to their babyhood, because I enjoyed being needed (definitely not), or for any personal gratification. Suggesting that a mother would choose to nurse beyond a year due to her own desires is misguided. Such statements can even feel offensive, bordering on inappropriate accusations.
I truly don’t grasp why some individuals feel compelled to make baseless assumptions about experiences they haven’t lived. I understand how the idea of a toddler or preschooler nursing may seem unusual if one hasn’t experienced it, but unfamiliarity does not equate to being unhealthy or wrong.
Please believe the countless mothers who have breastfed beyond a year when we assure you that there is nothing strange or self-serving about it. It’s simply a gradual weaning process that has been a part of child-rearing across cultures and throughout history.