“I’m sorry,” I say to my teenage sitter as I glance at the clock. It’s 2:45 PM, and I promised to pick him up at 3:00. He waves me off. “No problem,” he replies with a smile.
I explain, “I have ADHD. I face a choice: I can either arrive late and scramble, or I can overcompensate by being early. So, I tend to show up too early. I was going to be 25 minutes ahead of schedule, but I ended up driving around for a bit.”
He chuckles, and I join in. My kids in the backseat roll their eyes, fully aware that I’m serious. Sometimes, we arrive a whole half-hour early for our homeschool co-op. I’ll load them into the car, realize how early we’ll actually get there, and then we take a lengthy detour. We sing along to classic hits, making the best of it, but it’s just another way I find myself wasting time.
As a mom with ADHD, my life is often filled with undone tasks, misplaced items, and a constant feeling of disorganization. Even with medication, I struggle with basic motherhood tasks that others seem to manage effortlessly.
Take laundry as an example. My hampers may be empty, but my kitchen is overflowing with baskets of clean clothes. I have to sort them and carry them to the appropriate rooms—something that should only take 10 minutes. Instead, I’m staring down 12 loads piled high, making it feel more like a laundry event than a chore. I dread it, can’t find the time, and by evening, I’m simply too exhausted. So, the baskets remain, mocking me from the kitchen table.
My husband shares the same ADHD challenges, and the dishes often end up in a similar state. We kindly request that guests avoid our kitchen.
My oldest son, Jake, also has ADHD. This means he often loses track of his belongings, leaving his backpack at co-op, at church, or at brunch. We frequently find ourselves driving back and forth to retrieve his beloved but tattered backpack. Fortunately, my phone addiction—another trait of ADHD—means I usually don’t misplace it. However, toys vanish from playgrounds, socks get left behind, and I often forget packed lunches, resulting in last-minute fast food runs. Losing art projects is no big deal; misplacing an EpiPen? That’s another matter entirely.
Routine is crucial for us. I need to take my medication first thing in the morning, or I’ll forget. My day starts with an hour of coffee, followed by a structured learning schedule: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science, sometimes even catechism. We stick to the same route in Target; otherwise, we risk forgetting something essential.
Then there’s the phenomenon of hyperfocus. This allows me to write this very essay while my kids bounce around on our new couches, only breaking my concentration when a loud cry pierces the air. My awareness of their antics fades into the background until someone wails. You can’t interrupt Jake during his favorite show; he simply won’t hear you until you physically engage him.
Today, both Jake and I were engrossed in reading, completely oblivious to the younger kids who decided to spray the bathroom with a diaper sprayer. Their excuse? Ants. In reality, they just wanted to make a mess, knowing we were in our own world and tuning them out as a coping strategy.
Being a mom with ADHD often means being perpetually late or way too early. I’m constantly forgetting essential items like wipes, trash bags, or even entire lunches. My husband frequently has to bail me out when I forget the credit card during a doctor’s visit because I left it on my desk. My car resembles a mobile trash bin, stuffed with items we always promise to clean out “tomorrow.” Someone is constantly handing me Jake’s coat, artwork, or his infamous backpack. Library books go missing, and I often don’t notice when glitter glue spills occur until it’s already too late.
However, despite the chaos and the enforced routines, our family thrives. We’re happy, and so are our kids. The struggles may be amplified, but they’re the same challenges every mother faces—just more pronounced. We navigate this whirlwind of motherhood together, embracing our unique rhythm, even if it means sometimes getting lost in hyperfocus.
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In summary, being a mom with ADHD comes with its unique set of challenges, but it also fosters a joyful and loving environment where we make the best of our circumstances.