Most of us are familiar with the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. Growing up, I often heard this phrase while sitting in the company of my mother and her friends. My own experience was shaped by the fact that my mom had a close-knit community around her. Although she and my father were our main caregivers, they relied on neighbors and friends for support, whether it was to watch us or lend a hand when needed.
When I filled out school forms, our emergency contacts following my parents were always our neighbors. During outings, other parents would comment on our behavior if it strayed from the acceptable. There was a communal effort among parents to ensure the safety of all children; they would intervene if they saw kids misbehaving, like running on wet concrete or climbing on picnic tables. Even as a child, I learned how to comfort a crying baby in the grocery store or lend a hand to a mother struggling with multiple bags. We lived in a community where everyone looked out for one another.
Now, as a mother myself, I find that the village I once knew has largely disappeared. Where has that sense of community gone? Occasionally, an older person might step in to help with a crying child, but more often than not, I’m met with disapproving looks and silence. It seems that many have forgotten the struggles of parenting or are hesitant to intervene, worried about overstepping boundaries.
When my child cries in public, I would welcome the assistance of a stranger to distract them. Moreover, I would be grateful if someone noticed my child in a dangerous situation and took action. I try to keep a close eye on my kids, but sometimes the unexpected happens, like when my other child trips and falls or when my younger one reaches for something they shouldn’t.
This has been a frequent topic of discussion between my husband and me. I often feel frustrated by the judgmental stares I receive when my children misbehave. Interestingly, my husband has a different experience as a father; people often smile at him, impressed that he is managing the kids on his own. I have tried to convince myself that perhaps I’ve just encountered a few unsympathetic individuals. I wanted to believe that if I truly needed help, someone would step forward. But a recent incident left me feeling isolated.
My youngest child is quite energetic and adventurous, often akin to a little monkey. Our local grocery store offers kid-sized carts, which I initially appreciated, but they can lead to chaos. My older child manages the cart well, but my youngest is determined to do his own thing. I wish I could keep him buckled in, but he has learned how to unbuckle himself, which poses a risk when I’m distracted. Lately, I’ve opted for him to walk alongside me instead.
On a particularly hectic day, we decided to visit the grocery store that usually results in minimal drama. However, while I was checking out, my youngest took off with his mini-cart, speeding past checkout lines and out the sliding doors into the parking lot. Despite being surrounded by cashiers and shoppers, not a single person attempted to stop him. Thankfully, my older child quickly chased after him, managing to bring him back before anything serious happened.
I looked around in disappointment. Where was the village? Why didn’t anyone help? If I saw a child running into a parking lot, I would instinctively try to intervene. Yet, everyone around me just stood by, seemingly oblivious to the potential danger.
Some of you might be thinking, why didn’t she leave her children at home? Why doesn’t she have better control over them? Let me clarify that I do my utmost to keep my children safe and well-behaved. However, there are moments that are simply unpredictable. My youngest is fiercely independent and, at times, just too quick for me.
Since that day, I’ve contemplated the reasons behind the fading sense of community. We live in a world where people are increasingly afraid of offending others, often glued to their phones instead of engaging with the world around them. It feels like everyone is looking out for themselves instead of the collective good. The environment appears more dangerous now, even if the actual risks haven’t necessarily increased; it’s just that our awareness of them has.
However, I urge you, if you see a child in a risky situation, please don’t hesitate to step in. Even if the parent reacts negatively, it’s far better for the child’s safety. We need to work together to restore that sense of community, as a village without its villagers is a lonely place.
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Summary:
The sense of community that once characterized parenting has diminished in modern society, leading to feelings of isolation among parents. As a mother, I have noticed the lack of support from others in public spaces, especially when my children misbehave or find themselves in dangerous situations. This absence of a supportive village is concerning, as it reflects a broader societal trend of individuals prioritizing their own concerns over collective well-being. I urge everyone to step in and help when they see a child in a precarious situation, as it is crucial for the safety and well-being of our children.