Updated: May 17, 2023
Originally Published: May 17, 2023
Trigger Warning: This content may be triggering for survivors of sexual harassment or abuse.
I was just 11 years old. It was a hot summer day, and I remember wearing a black bathing suit, my hair damp from swimming. My cousins, aunts, and uncles were all gathered at the lake, and we dashed into a nearby pizza parlor to escape the heat. As I leaned over a candy machine, I noticed some commotion outside. My uncles were engaged in a heated discussion with a stranger. At that moment, all I cared about was candy and pizza, oblivious to the real issue at hand.
Later, I learned that my uncles had witnessed a man making an inappropriate gesture toward me. My cousins whispered about it, and I felt a wave of shame wash over me.
Navigating Early Femininity
I was that young girl who matured quickly. While my peers remained slender and flat-chested, I developed curves that drew unwarranted attention. My thighs were fuller, and so was my backside. This made me want to disappear. Boys and girls alike pointed out my size, and even family members joined in on the teasing. My uncles called me “chubby,” and my cousins labeled me “the biggest” among us. My own mother unintentionally stifled my emerging femininity with an atmosphere of fear. When I got my first period at ten, my grandmother referred to me as a señorita, but I still felt like a child who loved playing with dolls. Then came the unwanted attention from men—stares, whistles, and lingering looks from those much older than me.
Experiencing unwanted attention as a girl with a developing body can be confusing, uncomfortable, and even embarrassing.
A Disturbing Encounter
One day, while sitting in the car with my daughter, Luna, who was almost 12 and full of sass, I handed her a chocolate bar. It was sweltering outside, and we were enjoying the cool air conditioning. I asked her to throw away the candy wrapper, and when she returned, she looked visibly upset.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.
“That man over there whistled at me and stared at me while I walked to the trash can,” she replied, looking uneasy.
I turned to see a man in his forties sitting in a work truck, a smirk on his face. “Are you sure? Was there anyone else around?” I felt my heart racing.
“It was just me, and he whistled like this,” she imitated the sound, and I knew I needed to take action. Without thinking, I put my car in reverse and parked right in front of the man’s vehicle. His smirk vanished as I rolled down my window and confronted him directly.
“Did you whistle at the girl in overalls? She’s only 11!” I demanded.
He feigned ignorance, but my anger was palpable. The way Luna sank in her seat made my blood boil. Why should she feel afraid or ashamed? She had done nothing wrong. His next comment nearly pushed me over the edge: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your daughter is lying to you.”
I drove home with trembling hands, needing time to process what had just happened. When we finally sat down for fish tacos, Luna thanked me for defending her. It felt like a small victory for both of us, and for the little girl I once was.
Reflections on Blame
The next day, I spoke with a male friend about the incident. He immediately downplayed the man’s actions, suggesting he might have been whistling at someone else. Then, he shifted the blame to me, questioning why I had confronted the man. I sat there in tears—not from sadness, but from anger and frustration. I felt let down; I had expected support, not blame.
All of these emotions resurfaced, reminding me of the struggles many women endure. But through it all, I held onto one crucial lesson: I listened to my daughter. I believed her and didn’t shame her for her experience. She thanked me for that, and it affirmed that I had done right by her and the girl I once was.
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Summary
In navigating the complexities of early femininity and unwanted attention, it’s crucial for mothers to believe and support their daughters. Our experiences shape our responses, and standing firm in the face of injustice can empower not only our children but also heal our inner selves. The importance of listening without judgment cannot be overstated; it fosters trust and resilience in young girls facing a world that can often be unkind.