Dear Family,
I am at my wit’s end. Contrary to what you might think, I am not your personal treasure hunter. Yes, I might seem like a genius at times; I can spot mischief from a mile away, and I know exactly when you’ve raided my chocolate stash. I’m aware that my skills, like bribing you to finish chores or keeping the peace during long road trips, leave you in awe. I even take pride in my ability to enforce family photo sessions and serve dinners that stray from the nugget norm. I’m quite the expert at this parenting gig, I might even say fantastic.
However, when you stand with one foot in the fridge, asking me if we have any milk while it’s practically staring you in the face, my patience wears thin. This impatience diminishes my so-called awesomeness, and we both know my temper is not far behind.
You all have perfected the art of misplacing things. Your belief that I know the location of every item in this house is not flattering; I assure you, I have no interest in keeping track of where everything is.
And just to clarify — the butter? It’s in the butter dish in the cupboard where it always has been. If it’s empty, grab a new stick from the fridge. If there’s none in the fridge, we are simply out of butter. Got it?
I don’t rearrange items around the house just to make life amusing for you. I have far more important things to do than to challenge your searching skills.
Are you trying to annoy me for fun, or do you genuinely believe I have any idea where your left sneaker is? I’ll tell you this: I don’t have the slightest clue. I can hardly keep track of my own car keys, so please stop bombarding me with requests to locate a hundred different things daily.
I may not always know what we’re low on, but trust me, it would be more productive if you actually searched for what you’re looking for instead of yelling, “Mom! Where are my favorite sweatpants?!” How many times must I lose my cool before you realize this isn’t working for anyone?
If you took better care of your belongings and put them where they belong, you wouldn’t keep losing them. Sound fair?
Please stop this, my dear children and spouse. It annoys me just like it annoys you when I chime in during your video chats or sing in public. Instead of having one person causing a ruckus, I have all four of you constantly asking where things are.
When you ask for milk, and it’s practically an inch from your face, I cannot and will not assist you. You need to take the initiative. I’ve told you countless times that you’re capable of finding what you need, including those colored pencils you seem desperate for.
I’m far too busy ensuring you all stay alive and keeping your social lives full to prevent complaints about boredom — a skill I take pride in. So, you can understand why I simply can’t take on the task of finding your library book.
Now, where on earth did I put my keys?!
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Summary:
In this humorous yet heartfelt message, a frustrated parent expresses their exasperation with family members who constantly misplace items and rely on them for help. The parent emphasizes the importance of self-sufficiency and responsibility while highlighting their own busy life filled with various tasks. They encourage their family to take ownership of their belongings and explore resources related to home insemination.