I never had a compelling reason to change my last name after marrying. It felt like an unnecessary step in the journey of merging our distinct lives together.
Contrary to some assumptions, my choice wasn’t a deliberate stand against traditional norms. I wasn’t making a feminist statement; I simply found no substantial motivation to alter my name, so I chose to keep it. My husband, Jake, was indifferent to the matter. We even toyed with the idea of him adopting my last name or creating a new family name altogether. Our parents weren’t thrilled with that option, but I still think it would have been kind of fun to be known as the Smiths or the Johnsons. Imagine the Christmas cards!
As for tradition, I don’t believe that my decision to keep my last name has affected my relationship in any meaningful way. I feel just as connected to Jake as I ever have. The day after our wedding, there was a distinct shift in our bond that had nothing to do with the amusing fact that we could now share a bed at my parents’ home. Sure, we still bicker about misplaced items and my early morning chatter, but isn’t that what marriage is really about?
My name is intertwined with my sense of self; I’ve achieved a lot under it. I navigated high school, graduated from university, and learned valuable lessons along the way. I earned a master’s in physical therapy and made significant life changes, such as moving across the country. My name has been my companion through all of this, including a memorable trip to Mexico, which I won’t elaborate on.
“Isn’t it troubling that your children don’t share your last name?” a friend once asked. Why would it be? They are a part of me in every way that matters. They relied on me for sustenance during their early years, and they call my name countless times each day. I often have to plead for moments of solitude. I feel a deep connection with them, regardless of our last names.
As for familial ties, I don’t share a last name with my sister either, yet we communicate daily and share our lives intimately. She’s just as much family despite the different surnames.
What about the fear of being questioned while traveling with my kids? Occasionally, that thought crosses my mind, but in reality, I’ve never faced any issues when flying or enrolling them in school. The last name hasn’t posed any challenges thus far, even after nearly twenty years of marriage.
It’s astonishing that a significant portion of Americans believes women should be legally obligated to take their husband’s last name. Who really cares what others think? If it feels right to adopt his last name, go for it. If it feels better to remain single, that’s perfectly valid too. Live your life as you see fit, whether that means residing in Botswana while your partner is in Florida, connecting virtually every week. Happiness is found in living life on your own terms.
So, if you’re on the brink of marriage and wrestling with the decision about your last name, remember it’s the least of your concerns. Don’t let societal pressures sway you, and know that you can always change your mind later. Save your energy for more pressing matters, like teaching your partner the importance of putting their clothes away or lowering the toilet seat.
But if your future last name is Bond, then definitely consider making that change!
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In summary, keeping your last name post-marriage can be a deeply personal choice that reflects your identity and values, without compromising your family bonds. Ultimately, the decision should be yours and should align with what feels right for you.