Updated: November 17, 2020
Originally Published: May 22, 2017
When my children’s report cards arrive, I quickly glance at the letter grades before diving into the more meaningful portion—the teacher’s comments. That’s where you uncover the real insights, like whether a child is chatting during class or facing challenges with classmates.
It’s not that I dismiss grades altogether; I care about them. However, I feel that the pressure to achieve straight A’s can impose unrealistic expectations on some children. Each child has unique strengths and weaknesses, and not everyone is destined to be an honor student. I wholeheartedly believe this.
Reflecting on my own experience, I was often an honor roll student, accumulating straight A’s and even joining the National Honor Society in high school. But then came chemistry—a subject I absolutely despised. I struggled to understand the periodic table and had little interest in science. Despite my efforts, I received my first C in high school.
It’s not that I’m indifferent to my kids receiving C’s; I just prefer to focus less on the letter itself. Grades don’t truly represent what a child is learning. What matters more to me is their effort and whether they enjoy the subject. If a child dislikes chemistry or struggles with material, then a C might be perfectly acceptable.
For instance, I thrived in English and loved writing papers, but I suspect at least one of my kids may not share that passion. What I expect from them is to put forth genuine effort and do their best, even if it doesn’t result in an A.
While the allure of my kids achieving straight A’s is undeniable, I won’t punish or feel let down solely based on grades. My disappointment will stem from knowing they didn’t try their hardest, ask for help, or complete assignments. I can relate; my struggles in chemistry were largely due to my lack of interest, yet I still made sure to pass.
Each of my three kids is unique, exhibiting their own preferences and dislikes. It’s a joy to witness their growth and wonder what paths they will choose as adults.
My eldest, for example, excels in math and science and enjoys reading and writing. She might just be one of those kids capable of earning straight A’s, but I won’t pressure her into believing that’s the ultimate goal.
Not long ago, she received a lower grade in math, which caught us off guard since she usually excels in that area. She admitted to not putting in her full effort and often getting distracted. I told her that while the C didn’t bother me, her lack of effort did. She agreed, and by the next report card, she had improved her grade to a B. We celebrated her effort rather than the grade itself.
However, I recognize that not every child will share the same enthusiasm for school. My middle child, despite achieving good grades, often feels reluctant about attending. It’s perplexing, given his abilities.
We need to alleviate the pressure on our children to only achieve A’s and B’s and instead emphasize the importance of effort and actual learning. I’m not concerned if my child scores an A in history if she can’t recall key facts later on. Similarly, I’m not worried if my son dislikes reading; it’s just part of the curriculum, and he’ll need to manage it. A solid effort is what truly matters.
Often, we overlook that our kids are individuals with their own likes, dislikes, and interests. They aren’t expected to excel in every subject, just as I don’t thrive in math or science discussions. Furthermore, many successful individuals don’t graduate at the top of their class; some attend community college and still find success.
Education is important to me because I want my children to discover their passions, learn about the world, and ultimately find fulfillment in their careers. So, why impose unrealistic expectations of straight A’s on our children? Some will achieve it, and that’s fantastic—but it’s not a universal standard. I want my kids to understand that genuine effort is essential in school and in life, and it’s perfectly fine to dislike certain subjects.
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In summary, my focus is on encouraging my children to put forth their best effort and discover their passions rather than stressing over grades.