Many aspects of new motherhood caught me off guard. There was the overwhelming fatigue that came with sleepless nights, the inability to find time for a shower, and the fact that my newborn needed to nurse nearly every hour for the first couple of months. The simple act of grabbing a snack from the kitchen morphed into a lengthy endeavor, while trips to the grocery store turned into events requiring meticulous planning.
On top of that, I was left questioning my identity. Where had the ambitious, creative woman I once was disappeared to? Would I ever reconnect with that version of myself? This transition was undeniably challenging, and I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
However, amidst the struggles of motherhood, there was one aspect I surprisingly cherished: the near demise of my social life. As a mostly introverted and sensitive individual, who enjoys the company of others yet feels overwhelmed by crowds, the reduction in my social engagements felt like a hidden blessing.
Of course, not all parents experience a complete social shutdown, but for many of us, the arrival of little ones means that planning a night out with friends has become an elaborate task, often leading to missed opportunities. While some parents have access to babysitters, not everyone can afford this luxury, and finding reliable sitters is often a challenge worth its weight in gold.
Bringing children to social gatherings occasionally works, but not always. Some kids adapt well to adult settings, while others may not. Late-night gatherings clash with early bedtimes, and daytime events can quickly turn chaotic if a child won’t nap on the go (neither of mine ever did), resulting in meltdowns that I’d rather avoid. Plus, sometimes social events simply aren’t kid-friendly, which is completely understandable.
I recognize that many parents mourn their diminished social lives, and I can empathize. Perhaps some of the reasons I listed above for avoiding socializing sound like flimsy excuses. But here’s my little secret: I genuinely relish the fact that motherhood provides me with a solid reason to skip most social events or leave them early. The days when I felt obligated to enjoy parties, lengthy family gatherings, or mingling at dinner parties feel like a distant memory — and I’m happy about that.
It’s not that I completely lack a social life. I’m not isolated. I have wonderful friends and cherish my time with extended family. Parenthood has enabled me to be more selective about the people I spend time with and the activities I engage in. It has prompted me to establish boundaries regarding socializing that I never had to consider before, and surprisingly, these boundaries have been both liberating and empowering.
Now that my children are older, I can’t rely on bedtimes and potential tantrums as excuses, yet I still find myself making choices that align with my personality. I’ve come to realize I have a specific tolerance for large gatherings and events that extend beyond a few hours (I like to call it a “people hangover”), and it’s perfectly acceptable to decline invitations that don’t suit me.
And guess what? If you feel the same way, that’s entirely okay. Some of us are simply not cut out to be social butterflies; we thrive in smaller groups or one-on-one settings. The beauty of life — and growing older — is that we get to embrace our preferences. We can make choices about how we want to live our lives, influenced by our circumstances, personalities, and needs, rather than conforming to societal expectations or the desires of others.
That, my friend, is a wonderful realization.
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Summary:
In this reflection on motherhood, the author shares how becoming a parent led to a significant reduction in her social life, which she views as a blessing rather than a loss. Embracing her introverted nature, she discusses the challenges of socializing with young children and how establishing boundaries has empowered her. Ultimately, she encourages others to embrace their preferences and make choices that align with their true selves.