It was one of those mornings that felt like a trial by fire. Having just returned from a long weekend getaway with my partner and our two children, I was still recovering. If I was weary, I knew my little ones were too. My 2-year-old flung her plate during breakfast, while my son ambled around at a snail’s pace as I attempted to get him ready for preschool. Each simple request was met with whining, and I couldn’t wait to drop off my eldest. I was hopeful that I could get my daughter down for a nap when we returned home, so I could finally take a breather. But before I could even finish my toast, I was already counting the hours until bedtime.
On days like this, it feels as if the universe is oblivious to your needs, tuning out your silent pleas for help. My daughter refused to nap, instead opting for a morning filled with tears and fussing. I found myself frantically trying to guess what she needed, throwing random toys and snacks her way in desperation. Unfortunately, no respite came, and the clock’s hands seemed to move in slow motion.
When I picked up my son from preschool, his teacher informed me he’d had a particularly challenging day. There were tears and outbursts, and I could see the distress etched on his face. On the drive home, I brainstormed ways to lift his spirits—maybe a movie or a special treat? I thought pizza might be a hit, especially since I had zero motivation to cook.
However, as soon as we stepped through the door, I quickly realized the challenges his teacher had faced earlier. Everything I suggested was met with resistance. Before long, the stomping and wailing ensued. In that moment, I abandoned my attempts to cheer him up. He knew I was trying to help, but he seemed determined to mirror the morning’s chaos. He erupted into a full-blown tantrum, filled with screeching and sobbing.
Didn’t he realize how exhausted I was? I’d tried to be patient; I had even asked him nicely to cooperate. Why was he targeting me today? Seasoned parents often remind us that the years may fly by, but they rarely mention how the days can stretch endlessly.
In a moment of weakness, I lost my cool. I shouted and yelled, my frustration boiling over. Immediately regretting my outburst, I simmered in the knowledge that he likely felt no remorse for his behavior. What had sparked this attitude? All I wanted was to provide him with comfort and joy. How could he treat me this way?
Then, the realization struck me hard: I was worn out and irritable, struggling to regain my routine after a weekend away. My body and mind craved peace and quiet. Of course, I was in a foul mood—and so was he.
Tantrums often feel like personal attacks. As parents, we bear the brunt of our children’s emotional outbursts more than anyone else. The intensity of these moments can easily make us feel like we are failing, delivered in a symphony of screams.
Emotions can swell beyond control at times. I often grapple with my own feelings, snapping at those around me for the smallest of things. Once I calm down, I’m left feeling embarrassed, knowing that the person I lashed out at was not the root of my frustration.
This is essentially how tantrums manifest. A child’s emotions can become overwhelming, leading to a loss of control—a phenomenon we adults experience as well. When I take a moment to frame my children’s behavior as that of individuals still learning to navigate their feelings, I can manage my reactions more effectively. Rather than retaliating with anger, I can respond with compassion and understanding. Instead of sending my son to time-out out of frustration, I can guide him to his room to cool down, all while maintaining a loving tone.
Learning not to take tantrums personally is a continuous journey. This practice prevents me from internalizing my son’s emotions and spiraling into my own meltdown. Rather than cooling down enough to apologize for my reaction later, I can remain calm and assist my son in managing his feelings.
And no matter how lengthy the day may feel, bedtime will eventually come.
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Summary
Tantrums can feel like personal attacks on parents, especially during exhausting days. Understanding that children often struggle to manage their overwhelming emotions can help parents respond with compassion rather than frustration. Learning not to internalize these outbursts is a continuous practice that aids in maintaining emotional balance within the family.