If you’ve ever found yourself exclaiming, “No, you can’t have a snack. It’s bedtime!!” then you probably understand the trials of parenting. And if you’ve ever said yes to that request, well, you might be just like me.
Over time, we’ve developed a routine of offering our children snacks before they go to bed, which I affectionately refer to as their ‘fourth meal.’ This habit drives me a little crazy, frustrates my husband, and definitely earns me some raised eyebrows from my mother during her visits.
I often hear comments like, “I serve my child Brussels sprouts, and if you don’t give in, they won’t starve” or “They’ll learn to love their veggies without any alternatives.” While I agree with those sentiments in theory, the reality is that I just want my kids to eat something for dinner.
I know there are stubborn toddlers and determined tweens at my table who will refuse to eat anything they consider unappetizing, and my kids are still quite young. They need nourishment.
With my first child, I was adamant about sticking to organic, whole foods. My sweet firstborn didn’t even encounter sugar until she turned two. But then my second and third children arrived, and things spiraled out of control in the food department. If they want marshmallow treats for breakfast, I think, well, at least they let me sleep in a bit longer.
There’s a method to my madness when it comes to this fourth meal. I prepare dinner almost every night. We rarely order pizza or serve cereal. I’m not boasting; it’s simply my approach to family meals. I cook — nearly every single evening.
Some nights my kids devour what I’ve made, while other times each bite comes with negotiations involving treats, toys, and screen time. Yet, inevitably, about an hour or two after dinner, they ask for more snacks. Sometimes it’s something simple like toast, other times a sweet treat, and occasionally, we find ourselves whipping up an entire fourth meal.
On nights when they barely touched their dinner, I save their plates and present the food again when they say they’re hungry before bed. But usually, I find myself saying yes when they request another meal post-dinner. Here’s why:
My kids inherited their father’s remarkable metabolism. My husband is tall and slender, seemingly able to eat endlessly without consequence. On weekends, he’s in the kitchen creating snacks and preparing multiple meals. My children genuinely feel hungry after dinner. I’ve witnessed my daughter consume two eggs with toast and a large bowl of fruit for her fourth meal. So, I’m okay with giving them a little something before bed. They’re growing, and they need food.
I’ve learned to differentiate between genuine hunger and a stall tactic. Any mom can relate — when a child is genuinely hungry, they’ll eat healthy options like bananas and yogurt. But if they’re asking for gummy worms after dinner, that’s when I know to decline. If they’re truly hungry, they’ll finish their dinner.
My kids often struggle to eat well during school hours, a constant battle that shows little sign of improvement. When considering their total caloric intake for the day, an additional meal or snack certainly wouldn’t hurt them; in fact, it’s likely necessary.
They’re still small. My daughter, in particular, has faced challenges with weight gain and growth. So when she expresses hunger, I feed her. She requires calories, but she also needs energy to thrive in school. If her best meal of the day happens to be right before bedtime, then so be it.
I don’t offer snacks unless my kids request them, but honestly, it’s become a part of our family routine. They snack before bed. Each night is different, and on some evenings, my patience wears thin. On those nights, my kids might be seen munching on plain bread as they head off to brush their teeth.
That said, there are plenty of nights when I say no. If dinner is served later than usual, I know they aren’t hungry yet, so I decline snack requests and remind them the kitchen is closed once dinner ends.
Maintaining this routine can be exhausting, as who wants to prepare an extra meal every single day? Or deal with the additional mess? Mealtime is already my least favorite time of day, but I’ve learned to accept it, adapt, and make the best of it. It’s now almost a family tradition. My kids know that if I put in the effort to prepare dinner, they should eat it if they want a second helping.
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In summary, my approach to managing my kids’ eating habits, particularly around their bedtime snacks, is a blend of structure and flexibility. While I strive to provide nutritious meals, I recognize the unique needs of my children and adapt accordingly. After all, growing kids require fuel, and if that sometimes means a fourth meal, then so be it.