The Significance of Instilling Self-Control in Children

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ICIBlog

By Jenna Morris

July 19, 2023

Teaching toddlers the concept of self-control can often feel like a daunting challenge. Young children tend to desire immediate gratification, frequently expressing their wants with an intensity that can overwhelm parents. Convincing them to wait for a desired toy until their next birthday or to save dessert until after dinner may seem like an insurmountable task.

Children are typically not predisposed to delay gratification, which places the responsibility on parents to guide them in developing this essential skill. Beyond the more obvious lessons—such as the repercussions of consuming excessive amounts of candy, which might lead to unpleasant outcomes—fostering self-control in children is pivotal for their long-term success.

Research highlighted in “How to Cultivate Self-Control in Children — And Its Critical Role in Their Future Success” by Dr. Emily Carter draws upon a New Zealand study tracking individuals from birth to age 32. The findings indicate that children demonstrating higher levels of self-control by the age of five are more likely to lead healthier and more successful lives.

Dr. Carter notes:

• “By the time these individuals reached adulthood, those exhibiting the lowest self-control were significantly more likely to:
• Experience various health issues (27% versus 11% among their more restrained peers);
• Earn an annual income below $20,000 (32% compared to 10%);
• Hold a criminal record (43% against 13%);
• Struggle with substance addictions (10% versus 3%).”

However, it is essential not to feel disheartened when witnessing a child’s temper tantrum over a cupcake before dinner; there is still hope for improvement. Various strategies can be employed to help children cultivate self-control from an early age.

According to Dr. Carter, “The brain adapts based on the experiences it encounters. Positive experiences foster growth, while negative ones can lead to detrimental wiring.” Parents can influence their children’s experiences through reading, playing, and guiding them as they safely explore the world.

Creating situations where children must choose to delay gratification is an effective approach. For instance, offering a reward that doubles if they wait patiently or work diligently towards a goal can reinforce the concept of self-control. Parents can also proactively discuss scenarios where impulsive decisions may occur, thereby alleviating stress and promoting better decision-making in challenging situations.

An intriguing suggestion from Dr. Carter is to ask children, “What would your future self say?” This question can apply to a variety of contexts, from academic performance to friendships. As children mature, they begin to comprehend the consequences of their choices, making this strategy particularly effective.

Incorporating games aimed at delaying gratification—such as “red light/green light”—assigning chores to instill excitement about future rewards, and establishing healthy boundaries can also support the development of self-control.

In essence, many parents may already be implementing strategies that encourage their children to learn self-control, so it is important to recognize these efforts. For instance, my five-year-old is just beginning to differentiate between today, tomorrow, and yesterday. It’s perfectly normal for young children to struggle with waiting for something they desire, and impulse control typically improves with age.

While navigating the challenges of parenting, it’s crucial to remember that good things do come to those who wait. And during those moments when children are throwing fits over not acquiring another toy train, we can take pride in the foundation we are laying for their future success.

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Summary

Teaching children self-control is crucial for their future success and well-being. By employing strategies that encourage delayed gratification, parents can foster this essential skill. Resources and community support are available to assist in this process, ensuring that children develop the self-discipline necessary for a healthy and prosperous life.