I Will Refrain from Being the Veteran Parent Dispensing Unrequested Guidance

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In the realm of parenting, one often encounters an array of unsolicited advice from well-meaning individuals. Phrases such as “If you don’t want to take your child to the park, just say it’s closed” or “When your toddler cries for a toy in the store, simply tell them it’s not for sale” proliferate. Some advice can be rather extreme, such as a couple I knew who would wrap their child’s old toys to give as gifts. This approach, while perhaps humorous to some, is a strategy I will definitely avoid.

During my partner’s pregnancy, we were frequently met with contradictory statements from other parents. One would assert, “Your life is over once you have a child,” while another would counter, “Your life truly begins at that moment.” If both sentiments hold some truth, perhaps a more balanced statement would be, “Your life continues, albeit in a transformed manner.”

After two months of embracing fatherhood, I can confidently assert it is an unparalleled joy. However, navigating the sea of unsolicited and often conflicting advice from fellow parents has proven to be one of the more challenging aspects of this journey. Constant reminders such as “It gets easier” juxtaposed with “Enjoy this time while your child sleeps” can be overwhelming. Additionally, parents with multiple children often state, “It’s different with the second,” leading one to question why this isn’t more widely acknowledged in parenting discussions.

Recently, while in an elevator, my partner and I encountered another couple with a stroller. The expectant mother gazed at our infant, whispering to her partner, “Remember when our daughter was that small?” He then commented, “You’re doing a great job.” My immediate reaction was skepticism; what did he truly know about our parenting? For all he knew, we could have been engaging in questionable practices. I offered a polite “thank you” and exited the elevator.

Acknowledging the instinct to share one’s parenting experiences is essential. I find myself discussing my child’s milestones with anyone who will listen, sharing photos, and engaging in conversations previously unimagined. The interactions with fellow parents have shifted from discussions of sports and dating to inquiries about diaper changes and sleep routines. A newfound camaraderie emerges among those pushing strollers, marked by a mutual understanding that I once regarded with disdain.

In a shared carpool scenario, I encountered a mother who proudly announced her daughter’s age unprompted. Her child’s innocent questions highlighted the sometimes low bar set by parents. While finding humor in these interactions, I firmly pledge not to be the type of parent who excessively praises their child for basic achievements. Instead, I strive to simply acknowledge new parents with a smile and a sincere “Congratulations.”

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In summary, while the journey of parenthood is filled with joy, it is also accompanied by a plethora of unsolicited advice that can be both overwhelming and contradictory. As I navigate this new role, I aim to embrace the experience while refraining from projecting my insights onto others.