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15 Remarks Parents of Children with Disabilities Prefer to Avoid
In the realm of parenting, especially when raising children with disabilities, navigating societal perceptions can be daunting. Over the past nine years, I have encountered a multitude of unsolicited advice and comments, some emanating from well-meaning individuals, while others stem from ignorance. While I can often dismiss some remarks, others provoke a response, prompting me to practice patience and kindness in the face of frustration.
As a parent, I appreciate inquiries about disabilities, viewing them as opportunities for education. However, my daughter, Mia, who has cerebral palsy, prefers a different approach when people ask invasive questions. For instance, when someone inquires, “What’s wrong with her?” I now respond by feigning concern for Mia’s well-being, asking, “What’s wrong? Sweetheart, are you okay?” This often prompts the questioner to reconsider their wording, as they may realize their inquiry was inappropriate.
The most hurtful comments arise from family or close friends, often veiled as concern but perceived as criticism of our parenting. Remarks like “You let her spend too much time on the iPad; that’s probably part of the problem” or “Every kid does that; stop worrying” can be demoralizing.
Unwanted Remarks
In a recent outreach to the community, we identified several phrases that parents of children with disabilities would rather not hear:
- “God gives special children to special parents.”
This notion implies that we are extraordinary, which is not the case; we are simply devoted parents doing what is necessary. - “But she looks normal!”
Disabilities are not always visible. Such comments question medical diagnoses and imply misinformation on our part. - “That child just needs discipline!”
This remark suggests that our children’s behaviors stem from poor parenting, disregarding the extensive efforts we make in therapy and interventions. - “I’m sorry.”
Though often said with good intentions, this comment conveys pity, implying our children are lesser beings. Our children are loved and cherished, and we celebrate their uniqueness. - “He is taking too many medications. That is why he has problems.”
Medications are prescribed for a reason. Parents should not have to justify these decisions, which are made with careful consideration. - “She’ll grow out of it.”
Disabilities are not phases; they are lifelong conditions. This comment minimizes the reality of our experiences. - “I could never do it.”
Parenting is about love, and if you love your child, you can handle the challenges that come your way. - “Have you considered sending him to a group home?”
This statement reflects outdated attitudes towards disability and disregards the love and commitment we have for our children. - “Have you tried giving _______?”
We often hear anecdotal remedies that may not apply to our situation. We conduct extensive research and are usually aware of various options. - “Didn’t you know before birth?”
This personal question implies that had we known, we would have made different choices, which is offensive and hurtful. - “It could be worse, at least she can walk.”
This comment diminishes our struggles and fails to acknowledge the validity of our experiences. - “He’ll eat when he is hungry.”
This may not apply to all children, especially those with sensory issues. - “My kid does it too.”
This invalidates our experiences and suggests that our concerns are unfounded. - “God only gives us what we can handle.”
This statement oversimplifies our experiences and fails to acknowledge the real challenges we face. - “Stop using the ‘autism’ card for sympathy.”
Our child’s disability is not a “card.” We seek understanding, not sympathy.
In summary, navigating the complexities of parenting a child with a disability is challenging enough without the added burden of misguided remarks. For further insights into home insemination, visit Make a Mom to learn how at-home insemination works. Additionally, for those exploring fertility, Fertility Booster for Men offers important resources. For a broader understanding of female infertility, Drugs.com serves as an excellent resource.
For more information on the importance of addressing misconceptions, read our detailed analysis at ICIBlog.