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The Importance of Allowing Children to Retain Their Comfort Objects
In a recent observation, a young boy named Oliver, age seven, repeatedly inquired, “Has my package arrived yet?” Over the past two days, he had shown keen anticipation for the arrival of his beloved comfort item—his Blankie, a term that warrants capitalization due to its significance. Oliver had inadvertently left this well-worn, albeit cherished, fabric at his grandmother’s residence, leading to an incessant count of his inquiries about its status, particularly at bedtime, when he struggled to sleep in its absence.
Both Oliver and his older sibling, Ethan, possess Blankies, and the number of nights spent without these items can be counted on one hand. Throughout his early years, Ethan relied on his Blankie nightly until he reached nearly a decade old. It provided him solace during moments of anxiety or fatigue, where he would often rub it against his face while engaging in thumb-sucking, a practice he maintained until just before turning ten.
While Oliver does not exhibit thumb-sucking tendencies, his attachment to his Blankie remains evident, and there are no indications he intends to part with it anytime soon. This reality is not a concern for me; rather, I embrace it. Many parents feel compelled to encourage their children to relinquish such transitional objects, often to alleviate the logistical challenges associated with managing these items.
Indeed, the journey of retrieving a forgotten Blankie can be laborious, including extensive searches in various locations—such as under beds, inside vehicles, and even within refuse bins. Contrary to common misconceptions, however, comfort objects are not indicative of immaturity; rather, they serve vital developmental functions. Research indicates that these items empower children, fostering independence by instilling a sense of security during potentially distressing scenarios, such as starting school or transitioning to unfamiliar environments.
Experts have noted that children who engage with security objects tend to exhibit less shyness and enhanced focus. As Anna Walters articulated in her article, “Their lovey objects are like the first training wheels for telling themselves ‘you’re all right.’” These objects provide a framework for children to navigate their surroundings, promoting exploration and personal growth. Furthermore, they facilitate connections beyond parental figures, significantly mitigating separation anxiety.
Parents often express undue embarrassment regarding their child’s attachment to these security items, perceiving them as socially unacceptable or burdensome. Nevertheless, refraining from pressuring children to abandon their Blankies before they feel ready can be one of the most beneficial parenting decisions. As stated by Colleen Goddard in Psychology Today, removing such objects can exacerbate anxiety rather than alleviate it, with research suggesting that deprivation from these comfort items may increase susceptibility to psychological disorders.
Indeed, security objects can deepen interpersonal connections among children and adults alike. Just as children have their Blankies, many adults possess security objects, which may include personal items like phones or family photographs. According to therapist Mark Brenner, these objects evoke feelings of safety and continuity, helping individuals remain grounded in an unpredictable world.
Ultimately, security objects serve as a bridge between familiar environments, such as home, and new experiences, such as school, assisting in the development of a child’s self-identity—a crucial milestone that persists into adulthood.
Oliver’s Blankie eventually arrived, restoring harmony to our household. Although I once pondered whether Ethan would retain his Blankie into adulthood, he ceased using it shortly before his tenth birthday. It now resides in the depths of my nightstand drawer, awaiting a nostalgic moment. This sentiment resonates deeply, illustrating that while children may outgrow their Blankies, the emotional connections associated with them endure, serving a purpose that extends beyond childhood.
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In conclusion, allowing children to retain their comfort objects, such as Blankies, can significantly contribute to their emotional well-being and developmental progress.