The Five Stages of Navigating an Autism/ADHD Diagnosis

Receiving a diagnosis of autism or ADHD for your child can be a life-altering experience for any parent. Reflecting on this journey, I have identified five distinct stages that many parents, like myself, often traverse upon receiving this news.

Denial

Initially, we experience denial, a common reaction to any significant life change. When I first noticed that my son, Lucas, exhibited behaviors that set him apart, I found myself questioning the validity of those observations. I made excuses for his actions—he was simply tired, hungry, or had a long day. It was hard for me to reconcile the idea of autism with his early milestones; he was speaking in full sentences by age two and made eye contact most of the time. How could someone so articulate possibly have autism or ADHD? Perhaps the specialists were mistaken, I thought. The labels felt overwhelming, and I clung to the belief that my child could not possibly fit into such categories.

Disbelief

This denial often morphs into disbelief, where parents look for alternative explanations for their child’s behavior. Research becomes a coping mechanism, as we search for environmental triggers—food allergies, vaccines, even astrological signs—that could have played a role in the diagnosis. We start to blame ourselves; were we too lenient with screen time? Did we not engage enough in play? The guilt is palpable, and we often latch onto the notion that there’s a conspiracy at play, forcing us to confront the uncomfortable reality of the diagnosis.

Dissection

As the denial and disbelief subside, we enter the dissection phase. Armed with the internet, we scrutinize symptoms and behaviors, seeking out other potential diagnoses. I found myself pondering whether Lucas’s gender played a role in how his symptoms were perceived; perhaps he was just a spirited child rather than someone on the spectrum. I revisited every appointment and noted the doctor’s assessments, questioning the validity of their findings. This stage often leads to a cycle of uncertainty and frustration, as we dissect our child’s behaviors in an attempt to find a different narrative—anything that could alleviate the weight of the diagnosis.

Acceptance

Eventually, we arrive at acceptance. After numerous encounters with educators, therapists, and other parents, we begin to recognize that our child’s needs may require different support than we initially envisioned. We explore various options, such as obtaining an IEP, engaging in therapy, or considering medication. This phase often involves significant emotional and financial investment, including researching resources like Make a Mom for at-home insemination options or boost fertility supplements to enhance overall health. We also explore helpful community resources like Facts About Fertility to better understand our child’s unique needs.

Loneliness

The final stage is often loneliness, as we come to realize that discussions surrounding our child’s diagnosis can be isolating. Friends and family may distance themselves, making it challenging to share our experiences without feeling judged. This loneliness is compounded by the stigma associated with autism and ADHD, which leads some to claim that we are unfairly labeling our children. As we navigate this difficult terrain, we may find solace in online support groups, such as Make a Mom, where we can connect with other parents who understand our journey.

In summary, the process of accepting an autism or ADHD diagnosis involves navigating through denial, disbelief, dissection, acceptance, and ultimately, loneliness. Each stage presents its own challenges and emotional rollercoaster, but understanding these phases can help parents find their footing. It’s crucial to seek support and resources along the way, as we strive to raise compassionate individuals in a world that often lacks understanding.