CTFD, Sports Parents: Remember, These Are Kids and It’s Just a Game

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In recent weeks, I dedicated over 12 hours to observing my daughter participate in four youth softball games. Yes, 12 long hours—complete with early morning awakenings, lengthy commutes to the field, and a fair amount of anxiety as I chewed my nails down to the quick. During these hours, I found myself consuming copious amounts of coffee and pondering my life choices. Rising before dawn to watch children between the ages of 9 and 10 strike out and scramble after errant balls can lead to such reflections.

Upon reflection, it becomes evident that we sports parents may be a bit unhinged. Organized sports aren’t for every family; some choose to forgo them entirely. However, for mine, it’s a shared passion. We’re true softball enthusiasts, both in terms of playing and watching, which makes it a family bonding experience.

My partner and I maintain a relaxed perspective regarding sports, ensuring that they do not dominate our lives. We emphasize the valuable lessons that organized sports impart—teamwork, resilience, commitment, and diligence. Until recently, our participation in sports has been a positive aspect of family life.

But here’s a crucial message for my fellow sports parents: it’s time to cool your jets.

I don’t dedicate my weekends to watching my daughter play because I anticipate a full-ride scholarship or the dream of seeing her in the major leagues. Most parents, including myself, don’t rush from school to practice with snacks in hand, believing it’s necessary for success on a winning team. We don’t invest our time (and sleep) into swim meets or soccer tournaments because we expect our kids to become the next athletic prodigies. No, we do this for one fundamental reason: it brings joy to our children, and consequently, it brings joy to us.

However, some parents are draining that joy from the experience. You seem like a decent person at first; we exchange pleasantries and cheer for our kids. But soon enough, you’re yelling at the referee for making what you perceive to be an unjust call. This behavior escalates, and suddenly, you’re not just a fan—you’re a fanatic, and it’s discomforting for everyone involved.

Most of my experiences have been positive; my daughter’s coaches are supportive and generous. Many parents share my easygoing approach, which makes your intense demeanor stand out like a sore thumb. You start by expressing concern about your child’s teammates, suggesting that they’re impeding his progress, and laughing at a child who dares to frolic in the outfield. Meanwhile, I’m left thinking, “What on earth?” These are children!

I sometimes question whether I’m the one who’s mistaken. You speak sweetly and your child is athletic, so perhaps I’m the one who’s out of touch with competitive spirit? Should I be pushing my child harder? The answer is a resounding NO.

I have a solid grasp of competitive sports; I swam at a collegiate level for years. I understand hard work and competition. But this? This is pure madness. The likelihood of your child making it to the major leagues is minimal. Your daughter likely won’t be on an Olympic podium in the near future either. If your investment in youth sports is driven by the hope of a financial return, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. That’s not the purpose of youth athletics, nor should it be our driving force.

While it would be nice if my daughter excelled in sports, my true aspirations for her are far more significant. I hope she becomes a kind, compassionate person who uplifts others rather than leaving them behind. I want her to understand the importance of teamwork and hard work, but I don’t want her self-worth to hinge on victories. Above all, I want her to find and create joy—whether that’s from hitting a home run or simply collecting wildflowers.

So, let’s all take a step back, sports parents. These are kids, and it’s genuinely just a game. Keep your enthusiasm in check, both for your child’s sake and for the comfort of the rest of us.

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In summary, we must all remember that youth sports should be primarily about enjoyment and life lessons. Parents should maintain perspective and foster a positive environment for their children.