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I’m Not Aiming to Raise a ‘Sweet’ Little Girl
In the realm of parenting, one may often reflect on childhood experiences that shape their values and beliefs. This reflection is particularly poignant for me, as I grew up in the heart of Alabama, immersed in a quintessential Southern upbringing characterized by fried delicacies, football games, and carefree summers spent barefoot. My upbringing instilled in me a deep-rooted respect for traditions; I was taught to say “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir,” and to honor my elders with politeness. The Southern charm, while often genuine, can sometimes mask deeper societal expectations.
Throughout my formative years, I frequently heard the admonition to “be sweet,” a mantra echoed by nearly every woman I encountered. Whether it was during playful squabbles with siblings or when I expressed my strong opinions during family debates, the recurring theme was clear: maintain sweetness at all costs. However, I have come to realize that this notion of sweetness can often come at a personal cost.
As a mother now, I am faced with the decision of what values to impart to my children. While we cherish Southern traditions in our household—frying vegetables, honoring elders, and enjoying football—there is one phrase I refuse to endorse: “be sweet.”
A recent visit to a local café reinforced my resolve when I observed two college students, clearly intent on their work, being approached by an unsolicited individual who intruded upon their personal space. Instead of asserting themselves, they donned forced smiles and engaged in superficial conversation with this man, who dominated the dialogue with self-centered anecdotes. My frustration grew as I recognized the all-too-familiar discomfort these young women were experiencing, a discomfort often borne from conditioning to prioritize politeness over personal boundaries.
The societal expectation for girls to be agreeable does not serve their best interests. Have you ever found yourself in an awkward situation, suppressing your discomfort to avoid conflict? I certainly have. This realization compels me to advocate for a shift in perspective for my daughter’s benefit.
Watching those young women endure such discomfort ignited a protective instinct within me. I pondered whether I was nurturing a daughter who could advocate for herself. At just 18 months, I caught myself instinctively urging her to “be sweet” when she asserted herself. But no more.
In our household, we have adopted a new guiding principle: be kind. Unlike sweetness, which often prioritizes others’ perceptions, kindness is rooted in doing what is right. The distinction between the two can be vital. Kindness allows girls to express their discomfort without feeling guilt. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m sorry, but I need this space to work,” or to establish boundaries in relationships.
I refuse to let my daughter’s well-being be compromised for the sake of others’ feelings. My husband and I now encourage her to express herself freely, allowing her the agency to assert her needs and desires without apology. In our home, sweetness is no longer a prerequisite.
My aim is not to raise a sweet little girl but a resilient, self-assured woman. I would be proud if my daughter grows into someone who can assert herself and draw her own boundaries, even if it means being labeled negatively by others.
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In summary, my mission as a parent is to cultivate a daughter who embodies strength and self-advocacy rather than mere sweetness. I hope to instill in her the values of kindness and assertiveness for a fulfilling life.