If you’re venturing into the world of teaching little ones, having a grasp on child development stages is crucial. You need to tailor your expectations to match their developmental milestones. Knowing what behavior is age-appropriate and demonstrating patience and understanding towards the little humans in your care is essential. This is particularly important for the tiniest tots, which is why a newsletter shared by a mom from her child’s preschool left many of us scratching our heads.
The letter kicks off by announcing that it’s already the second month of preschool, then dives into a two-paragraph lecture aimed at the young children and their parents: “We’ve survived a challenging first month filled with tears, attitudes, refusal to listen, and an excess of talking instead of sitting still. While we address these every day, we need parental support too. We know kids would rather play than sit, but that’s not how school operates. Preschool is a stepping stone to ‘big’ school, and these skills are vital there. Kindly dedicate five or ten minutes each day to practice these behaviors with your child, and you’ll notice improvement. We’ve seen progress already with some kids. We understand life is hectic and parents are busy, but it’s essential for adults to take the lead and help kids comprehend this. Please remind your child about the importance of sharing, avoiding fights, keeping their hands to themselves, and learning to coexist. Once we tidy up the toys, they stay packed away until the next playtime.”
Wow, I was floored by the mention of “attitudes” and had to pick my jaw up off the floor before continuing. There are so many issues with this correspondence that I hardly know where to begin.
To clarify, preschoolers are typically around 3 and 4 years old. The mom who shared this letter mentioned that one child in the class isn’t even 3 yet. At this young age, they are just learning to express themselves verbally, some are still diapered, most need naps, and they have notoriously short attention spans.
Let’s unpack why the first month at this preschool was deemed “tough”:
- Tears: Yes, preschoolers cry. They aren’t pros at managing emotions yet. Feelings can be overwhelming, and if these little ones aren’t accustomed to being away from their parents, that separation can be challenging. They might also struggle under pressure or when facing expectations they can’t meet, which, if I had to guess, might be part of the issue here.
- Attitudes and Unwillingness: Let’s remember, we’re dealing with 3- and 4-year-olds. At this stage, kids are beginning to assert their independence, even if they don’t quite know how to handle it. “Unwillingness” isn’t unusual at this age, especially when asked to do things they aren’t developmentally ready for—like following rules all the time, sitting quietly, or sharing perfectly.
- Not Obeying Rules: Generally, preschools have a handful of simple rules, like “Use inside voices,” “Keep hands to yourself,” and “Be kind.” Even with these basics, it’s unrealistic to expect young kids to remember and follow them without frequent reminders, particularly in the first month. Learning to follow rules is part of preschool, and it requires time and patience.
- Too Much Talking and Not Enough Sitting: This part just made me feel sad. Preschoolers learn primarily through exploration. Expecting a 3-year-old to sit still for extended periods is simply unrealistic. Engaging children at this age and guiding them toward direction is a skill—it’s not a boot camp.
As for the “Preparation for Big School” part: Suggesting a 3-year-old should color on command because they’ll do it in kindergarten is like saying a first-grader should memorize multiplication tables because they’ll need to in third grade. It defies developmental logic! There’s a vast difference between a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old, and each preschooler is unique, changing constantly.
“We Understand Life is Fast-Paced and Parents Work”: This is a subtle jab at working parents, especially following a request for parents to spend 5 or 10 minutes daily with their kids. The underlying message seems to be: If you weren’t so busy, you could properly prepare your child for preschool.
The mom who shared this letter felt as if the teacher portrayed her preschooler as a delinquent. “When I first read it, I felt uneasy, as if I was being scolded as a mother,” she said. “Later in the day, I felt anger. It came off as condescending, implying I wasn’t doing my job as a stay-at-home mom and needed her guidance.”
Additionally, the way these concerns were conveyed could have been improved. Hasn’t this teacher heard of a positivity sandwich? Start with what’s working, then address areas needing improvement, and wrap up with encouragement. Jumping straight to complaints about children, especially such young ones, is a bit off-putting and unlikely to achieve the desired results.
I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t justify the tone of this newsletter—especially since the class has only eight kids. The teacher’s description made me envision a chaotic room of 20 or more kids with an overwhelmed teacher. But eight preschoolers warranted such a stern response? Really?
If my child’s preschool sent home a letter like this, I’d be out the door faster than a crayon could roll off the table. Anyone who complains about 3-year-olds’ “attitudes” and their unwillingness to color on command during their first month of preschool might want to reconsider their career choice.
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In summary, it’s crucial for educators to approach young children and their parents with empathy and understanding. Expectations should align with developmental stages, and communication should foster a supportive environment rather than sowing seeds of doubt.