Hey there, parents, friends, and loved ones of those navigating the challenging waters of autism! This is a little note for you. I understand that you might feel caught in a tricky spot. Believe me, we totally get it. If you acknowledge that something may be off with our child’s development, we might react defensively. But if you comfort us by insisting everything is fine, it can feel like you’re dismissing our reality.
But here’s the thing: we’re all in this together, and we need your kindness and support. We’re wrestling with our own feelings of worry and uncertainty, and it doesn’t help when we feel judged or misunderstood.
When the day comes that we open up and share our struggles about a potential diagnosis, please think carefully about how you respond. Some folks in my life have had a tough time processing my son’s diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Trust me, it’s not like I’ve had an easy time with it either! It took me ages to even come to terms with the possibility, let alone say it aloud.
A certain relative of mine was in a bit of denial about the whole situation and claimed they just needed “time” to wrap their head around it. Oh, really? Are they okay? Should I send them a care package? Maybe I can take them on a delightful trip to Fantasyland, where we can stay blissfully unaware of reality. But alas, I have a child who needs me to face the truth, so I can get him the help he deserves.
If you think you’re struggling with denial regarding our child’s diagnosis, just try to put yourself in our shoes. We instinctively want to shut our eyes and hide from an unfamiliar reality that promises a lifetime of challenges. But we can’t. We didn’t choose this path, and we’re not looking for sympathy—it’s simply our life.
If you haven’t witnessed the behaviors that might warrant a diagnosis, that’s actually the point. We see those moments every day, and we’re the ones tirelessly navigating them. When loved ones struggle to accept our reality, it adds another layer to the challenges we already face. We’re here for our children; we need you to be there for us too.
Confronting and accepting a diagnosis is no walk in the park for us, so please don’t make it harder than it has to be. We’re not trying to convince you of anything; we’re just asking for your understanding. If you question what we believe to be true, it feels like an attack on our parenting and our reality. It’s crucial that you accept our child for who they are—quirks and all!
When our child has a good day, it doesn’t mean they’re cured or that we were wrong about their diagnosis. It simply means they had a good moment, which we cherish. These victories come from hard work in therapies, and they shouldn’t be dismissed just because they don’t fit into your neat little box of expectations.
So, if you’re not comfortable with the messiness of our life, that’s okay—just don’t come over. But if you want to support and love us, then you must embrace our reality as it is. Making everything all better with a quick fix simply won’t cut it. Autism is a real challenge, and we deserve genuine support. Trust our instincts as parents, and love our kids for who they are—wonderfully unique and yes, sometimes a handful.
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Summary
This article encourages friends and family of parents with autistic children to provide genuine support and understanding rather than dismissive comfort. It emphasizes the importance of accepting the reality of autism and recognizing the hard work that goes into every small victory for these children.