Every morning, I find myself pausing to figure out what day it is so I can align our family schedule with the latest extracurricular frenzy. One of my kids is eager to dive into everything—basketball, Scouts, and a few more sports on his wish list. He’s practically bursting through the door with every flyer that arrives home from school, begging, “Mom, can I join this too?!”
Then there’s my eldest, Max, who would rather pass on any group activity, even if someone offered him cash. He dabbled in taekwondo and basketball as a child but would quickly start dragging his feet by the second or third practice.
At first, I was at my wit’s end with his lack of enthusiasm. I mean, we had just shelled out our hard-earned cash! My mind started racing: Was he socially awkward? Would he ever take on commitments? What if he ends up living in my basement at 30, single and eating chips in a grease-stained shirt? Yes, I can be a bit dramatic.
However, after taking a deep breath and reassessing the situation (and Max’s personality), I came to a revelation: He’s totally fine. He’s not antisocial or maladjusted. He has friends and hobbies he enjoys; they just aren’t team sports. Unlike his younger brother, he prefers a more independent approach.
I realized this was a reflection of my own childhood. I joined Girl Scouts for a grand total of one meeting. I remember the overwhelming sensation of “nope” that washed over me when I realized I’d have to do this regularly. The fun stuff hadn’t even begun, but I knew it wasn’t for me. I didn’t join another club until high school, and that was only to snag a daytime field trip with the Spanish Club. But guess what? I turned out just fine (just check with my mom; I don’t live with her).
Some kids thrive on team spirit and social interactions. They love the excitement of clubs and the camaraderie of being on a team. We often romanticize this kind of childhood filled with activities that expose our kids to all sorts of experiences—and that can be wonderful—if they actually enjoy it.
But what happens when they don’t? Do we force them to participate in something that makes them unhappy just because we think it’s the “right” thing to do? If extracurricular activities cause anxiety or distress, they aren’t worth the cost, no matter how much we spent on enrollment fees.
I once stumbled upon a quote that struck a chord: “Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.” Our children deserve peace just as much as we do. If joining a club makes them happy, that’s what we want. But if it disrupts their peace, the emotional toll far outweighs any benefits.
I trust Max’s instincts. He’s simply not a group-oriented person; he prefers one-on-one learning or solo endeavors, and I’ve come to terms with that. If he ever feels inspired to try something new, I’m all for it—but I won’t push him.
In today’s digital age, there are countless ways to explore new interests without diving into a group setting. For instance, he recently joined an online Minecraft club through his school, and he’s happier than ever in his “natural element,” free from the pressure of a room full of kids.
Of course, I want my son to be well-rounded, but more importantly, I want him to be happy. If that means I won’t be cheering from the bleachers or showing off his talents at a recital, then so be it. I fully support any extracurricular activity that brings him joy—whether it’s a uniform or just a Minecraft T-shirt.
For more insightful content, check out our other blog posts, like this one on the importance of self-exploration in the realm of home insemination.
In summary, not every child thrives in group activities, and that’s perfectly okay. Each kid has their unique preferences, and as parents, it’s essential to support their choices. The ultimate goal is their happiness and well-being.