Science Has Spoken: Your ‘Harshest’ Friends Might Be the Best Keepers

self insemination kit

One of my all-time favorite internet memes starts with a bold proclamation: “You can’t just cut someone out of your life!” And right below that, there’s a comical image of Edward Scissorhands wildly trimming hedges. Chop, chop, everyone! It’s the epitome of “Oh, yes I can!” and resonates with every adult at some point in their journey—whether we’re the ones wielding the scissors or the ones being snipped away. While it’s a thought that can bring a chuckle, it also highlights the reality: some people definitely deserve to be cut out.

However, before you reach for those scissors, hold your horses! A fascinating study is challenging our instincts about who should stay in our lives. Psychological scientist Belén López-Pérez posited that friends who seem to insult us might not be acting from a place of meanness; instead, they may genuinely want what’s best for us in the long run. Intriguing, right? And the research backs it up.

As López-Pérez explained, “We have shown that people can be ‘cruel to be kind’ — that is, they may decide to make someone feel worse if this emotion is beneficial for that other person.” Wait a minute. You mean that friend who told me my dress made me look like a potato was actually trying to be helpful? reaches out to apologize to Jenna

The study revealed that it’s empathy—not just plain old rudeness—that drives our so-called “meanest” friends to say the tough things we don’t want to hear. They genuinely want us to shine, even if it means pointing out those “lumpy” details. So maybe The Plastics aren’t so bad after all? Well, let’s not get carried away.

López-Pérez also noted, “People hold very specific expectations about the effects that certain emotions may have and about which emotions may be better for achieving different goals.” To put it simply, the key difference between your over-the-top Regina George and your brutally honest bestie lies in their intentions. Jenna didn’t criticize my potato dress to hurt me; she did it because she knew I’d look fabulous in that killer black miniskirt instead.

If a friend is genuinely trying to hurt your feelings, it’s time to unleash your inner Scissorhands. But if you have a pal who isn’t afraid to share the unvarnished truth that most others tiptoe around? You might just have a gem on your hands. After all, who benefits from a circle of “yes (wo)men”? Sure, it feels cozy to have people around who constantly smooth over your ego, but what does that really achieve? I’ll tell you: you’ll find yourself on the dance floor in a potato sack.

And if you need more convincing, let’s lean on the research from the University of Plymouth, which shows that those straight-shooters in your life are usually the ones who care the most. So maybe it’s time to keep those “meanest” friends close and put the scissors back in the drawer, at least for now.

In summary, while it can be tempting to cut out friends who hurt our feelings, science suggests that those who give us honest feedback might actually be our best allies. Embrace the friends who are bold enough to tell you the truth because they could be the ones who truly have your back.