There I was, 27 years old, sitting at the kitchen table with my wife, Lisa, and I confidently declared, “I did the dishes for you!” I even added a little wink, as if I was expecting a medal or something. Looking back, I’ve probably dropped lines like that about a dozen times regarding various chores, and I can only imagine the eye rolls and silent fuming it elicited from Lisa. But this time, just a few years into our marriage and navigating the world of parenthood, she called me out—and I’m grateful she did.
At that point, I was juggling graduate school and teaching, while Lisa had taken the role of stay-at-home mom for our two little ones, Max and Zoe. We had just relocated to Minnesota from Utah, and it made sense for her to manage the household while I pursued my studies. But for some strange reason, I found myself slipping into a 1950s mindset, assuming that her only job was to run the home. I completely overlooked the fact that I shared that space with her and that she was also caring for our kids.
So, there I was one evening, feeling all accomplished after loading the dishwasher. Our kids were asleep, and Lisa was in her comfy pajamas while I sported my jeans and a black T-shirt. With a smug grin, I asked her, “Did you see how I did all the dishes?”
She shot back, “Did you remember to include your cereal bowls and lunch plates?”
“Of course!” I replied, still riding high on my self-importance.
“And what about the kids’ plates from dinner? Oh, and the griddle from that chicken fried steak I made for you?” she probed.
“Oh, right. I got all that too!” I said, feeling pretty proud of myself.
Her response? “Great, it sounds like you got all your dishes, our kids’ dishes, and the ones from dinner. So, you really helped yourself! Nice job pitching in for yourself and the kids.”
I was taken aback. I thought I was being a hero by tackling what I perceived as her chores, expecting gratitude, maybe even a kiss that would lead to something more. Instead, I felt like a selfish jerk.
Many men fall into this trap. We help around the house but still think we’re doing our wives a favor, when in reality, we’re just fulfilling our responsibilities. Sure, praise your partner when it’s due, but let’s be honest—do we really need a pat on the back for washing our own dishes or doing our own laundry?
It wasn’t until the next morning, after a heated argument where we both went to bed angry, that I began to reflect on her words. Watching Lisa unload the dishwasher while I ate breakfast, I realized she was right. Those dishes belonged to the family, not just her. Despite my bruised ego, I finally admitted, “You’re right. Those dishes were for all of us.”
Lisa smiled and thanked me for understanding. Finally, I got up to help her, realizing that true partnership means sharing the load.
And if you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out our other blog post at intracervicalinsemination.com. For anyone looking into starting a family, makeamom.com is a fantastic resource. Plus, progyny.com offers excellent insights into pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Husbands need to understand that doing housework is not a favor to their wives—it’s simply part of their responsibilities as partners. Recognizing that both individuals in a relationship contribute to household chores fosters a healthier partnership. It’s crucial to share the load and support each other in parenting and home management.