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Navigating the Waves of Motherhood When You’re a Depressed Mom
by Jenna McAllister
Oct. 15, 2023
It’s a reality many face. According to Mental Health America, 1 in 8 women will experience depression throughout their lives. This struggle is particularly common among women aged 25 to 44—the prime years of motherhood. Postpartum Progress indicates that 10–15% of women will deal with postpartum mood disorders, including postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety, and more. However, they estimate that this figure could be as high as 20%.
Breaking it down further, Child Trends reveals that 1 in 5 children live with a parent who suffers from major or severe depression. That’s a staggering number of struggling moms and dads.
You’re aware of your depression. No need for someone to list the impacts on your life, mental state, and parenting abilities—you’re living it. Yet, despite the heaviness, there are things that need to get done. The kids won’t feed themselves, the laundry won’t fold itself, and the dishes won’t magically clean themselves. The sheer thought of it all can be overwhelming, and I completely understand that.
So how do you navigate daily tasks while your mind is bombarding you with negativity? How can you find the strength to tend to your crying baby or comfort your child searching for a lost toy when you feel utterly drained?
First and foremost, seeking help from a doctor or therapist is vital. But once you’re on that path, what can you do to lighten the load when everything feels heavy?
Step Outside
Therapist Laura Simmons emphasizes that depression often breeds negative self-talk, making even simple tasks feel monumental. She encourages you to get up and venture out, even if a shower isn’t on the agenda. Take a stroll in the park, visit a library storytime, or simply enjoy nature. A change of scenery can uplift your spirits and create fun experiences for your kids, making you the “Awesome Mom.”
Adjust Your Standards
We all want the best for our children and strive for perfection, but it’s essential to embrace realistic expectations. Clinical social worker Mia Rodriguez suggests that many moms struggle with perfectionism. Let go of the pressure; it’s okay if the dishes aren’t done before bed or if your kid’s lunch isn’t Pinterest-worthy. Give yourself some grace; it’s all about survival.
Reach Out for Support
Mental illness can feel isolating, but it’s crucial to remember that it’s not shameful. Mia encourages moms to step outside their comfort zones and seek help. Can your partner adjust their work schedule? Do you have friends or family who can lend a hand, even for an hour? Hiring a babysitter for a short break can also be a game-changer.
Simplify Your Day
Mia reminds us that our energy and time are limited—especially when battling depression. It’s okay not to do everything. Focus on the basics: “What do I and my kids need to get through today?” Sometimes, just making it to bedtime is a victory. Instead of vague goals like “I’ll do chores today,” aim for something specific, like “I’ll fold one basket of laundry while the baby naps.”
Connect with Others
Both Mia and Laura stress the importance of connection in combating depression and maintaining productivity. Spend time with those who genuinely care about you and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Don’t let shame keep you from accessing your support system. You can find others who understand your experience—whether in-person or through online communities. Platforms like Pacifica and Facebook groups can help you connect with fellow moms who are navigating similar challenges.
Prioritize Self-Care
You’ve heard it before: put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Taking time for yourself is essential to recharge. Laura suggests two types of self-care: the kind that distracts (like rock climbing or crafting) and the kind that helps you process emotions (like journaling or creating art). Carve out time for this—it’s vital for your well-being.
Most importantly, keep seeing a doctor or therapist and focus on your road to recovery. Remember to take care of yourself, set realistic expectations, and let go of shame. As Mia advises, “Separate your identity from your depression. It’s just a gremlin that makes life challenging. You are not just ‘Depressed Mom’ but a mother battling depression, and with the right support, you can overcome this.”
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Summary
Navigating motherhood while dealing with depression is challenging, but taking steps like seeking help, adjusting expectations, and prioritizing self-care can make a significant difference. Connect with others, simplify your daily goals, and remember that you are not defined by your condition. With support and self-compassion, you can navigate the storm.