I received warnings early on. Friends who had navigated the chaotic waters of pregnancy told me what to expect: a relentless wave of questions and unsolicited advice from total strangers. But I shrugged it off, thinking, “How bad could it be? People are generally nice to pregnant women, right?”
Initially, I was thrilled when a stranger recognized my pregnancy; it felt like a celebration. But as my belly expanded, the unsolicited commentary began. As a waitress, I’m forced to listen and smile through all this nonsense instead of tossing a tray of clam chowder at these nosy folks. Anyone who’s been pregnant while working in customer service knows this struggle all too well. We’re like captives, forced to endure while strangers chip away at our dignity, much like peeling an onion.
Here’s a glimpse into the toxic remarks pregnant women often hear. Are you guilty of any of these?
“Are you expecting twins? You look ready to pop!”
Let’s put an end to this right now. Any comment suggesting a woman is too large is beyond rude. First, it’s none of your business. Pregnancy doesn’t give you a free pass to critique someone’s body. Women have enough to think about without worrying about their size or how quickly they’re gaining weight. And guessing due dates? Seriously? Have some decency and just keep quiet.
“You’re planning to quit your job, right?”
Not unless my baby comes equipped with a trust fund! Seriously, folks, implying that a woman should quit her job after giving birth is absurd. Have you seen the cost of living lately? Just because someone is pregnant doesn’t mean their spouse is rolling in cash. This question is loaded with judgment, suggesting that if she doesn’t stay home full-time, she’s not a good mom. If you ask this, you’re being a jerk.
“Who’s going to take care of the baby?”
This question usually comes right after I’ve just said “no” to the quitting job inquiry. It makes me want to say my cat is a qualified nanny. Of course, I’ve thought about childcare! It’s a huge concern for any expecting mother, and believe me, she has plans in place. It’s none of your business.
“What does your husband do for a living?”
This question often comes from customers who think my job as a waitress means I’m struggling. They’re really hoping I’ll say my husband has a great job, as if that somehow validates my life choices. This question is not only invasive but also implies a woman is in trouble and needs saving. If you ask this, congrats, you’re officially an idiot.
“Were you excited to learn the baby’s gender?”
What kind of response are you hoping for here? “Oh, we were heartbroken”? This question is just silly. Gender disappointment is a real thing; it’s not the kind of topic to discuss with strangers.
“Are you going to keep the baby name a secret?”
Yes, absolutely. Don’t ask expecting parents this question! The reason many parents keep names to themselves is so they won’t be subjected to your unsolicited opinions. A single negative comment can ruin a name they love. If they want to share their baby name, they will do so on their own terms.
“Was this pregnancy planned?”
Believe it or not, people actually ask this! It’s none of anyone’s business. This question is invasive and rude, whether the pregnancy was planned or not.
Now, I know some of you might think I’m being overly sensitive. Well, yes, I am — blame it on the hormones! But that doesn’t excuse your poor manners.
So, what can you say to a pregnant woman? Treat her like a normal person and chat about anything other than pregnancy. She’d probably appreciate a break from baby talk. If she wants to discuss her pregnancy, she’ll bring it up herself.
If you absolutely must comment on her bump, here are three acceptable phrases:
- “You look lovely.”
- “Would you like to sit down?”
- “Where are you registered?”
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In summary, unsolicited comments and questions can be exhausting for pregnant women. It’s essential to approach them with respect and sensitivity, treating them as individuals rather than just mothers-to-be. Your best bet is to engage in normal conversation and let them lead the discussion.