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A Note from a Mom of Grown Kids: Take Our Insights with a Grain of Salt
The oldest of my kids is now 17, while the youngest is nearly 9. Though I still have a ways to go, I consider myself a somewhat seasoned mom. I’ve navigated the little-kid parenting rollercoaster more times than I can count, and believe me, the gray hairs and laugh lines are proof of that journey.
Here’s a little secret for new mothers: Many of us seasoned moms sharing our insights are often a bit forgetful—what I like to call “momnesia.” It’s not that we intend to mislead you; we just have selective memory when it comes to the chaos of raising little ones.
When I think back to my oldest daughter’s baby days, I envision a sweet, easygoing little angel. Sure, she wasn’t the best sleeper, but overall, she seemed like a dream. I remember plopping her down with a basket of books, and she’d be happily entertained for an hour. When people ask about her early years, I always say she was calm, compliant, and just delightful.
But, as it turns out, my memory might be playing tricks on me. I recently stumbled upon an old journal from her infancy, and one line stood out: “This kid is the most strong-willed child I’ve ever met.” Oh, how quickly I had forgotten her dramatic flair!
As I flipped through the pages, I was stunned to remember all those less-than-idyllic moments—like the battles during diaper changes, the random public meltdowns, and those exhausting nights when I was convinced I’d never see a full night’s sleep again. I had managed to block out the most annoying and frustrating details of those years, despite thinking I had a clear recollection of them.
Motherhood certainly scrambles our brains. Over time, the mental capacity we’d usually reserve for remembering long-term memories gets redirected to answering a toddler’s endless questions or trying to remember if we bought milk. We instinctively forget the challenging experiences to protect ourselves—some sort of biological safety net to keep us from losing our sanity.
And guess what? Momnesia seems to intensify with each additional child. If it weren’t for all the notes I took, I might have been convinced my kids were angels during their formative years.
That’s why I find it amusing when parents of older kids claim their children never threw tantrums or intruded on their sleep. I mean, really? My kids have never told me they hated me, but I’m pretty sure they’ve had their moments of rebellion. Sure, there are some lucky kids who might skate through without those typical experiences, but for the most part, we moms of older children often have a distorted view of the past.
Some might deny the phenomenon of momnesia, but I stand firm on this one. Just as we forget the intense pain of childbirth, many of us forget the nitty-gritty struggles of early parenting. We tend to look back on those days with rose-colored glasses, even if we think we remember the rough patches clearly.
So if you’re a new mom soaking up advice from us veterans, take it with a grain of salt. We may have some valuable nuggets to share, and older moms can certainly be good sounding boards. But if we start reminiscing about how our kids ‘never’ did something, don’t panic and think you’re doing something wrong. Just nod and remember that we’re likely suffering from momnesia too.
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In summary, motherhood can be wildly chaotic, and our memories of those tumultuous early years may not be as clear-cut as we think. So take our advice lightly, and trust your instincts as a parent.