Just yesterday, we celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving—a holiday you might not be familiar with if you’re from the U.S. To summarize, Canadians observe Thanksgiving in October. We set off to visit my sister and brother-in-law, but the car ride turned into a chaotic nightmare.
Picture this: two children wailing during a 60-minute journey. It was a scene I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The kids missed their usual nap times, transforming into little monsters. My son, Liam, was recovering from a throat infection, while my daughter, Mia, suddenly developed a strong aversion to car rides.
On top of that, my stepson tried to soothe his baby sister, Mia, but she was having none of it. I thought that once we arrived, everything would improve. Everyone was eager to escape the car: the kids, the adults, even the teenager.
Initially, things seemed to calm down. My sister-in-law offered me a drink, Mia dozed off in her car seat, and Liam went upstairs to play with his brother. For a moment, I felt like an adult. However, the situation quickly deteriorated when more guests arrived. Liam grew bored upstairs, ventured back down, and then became overwhelmed by the crowd.
His reaction was predictable: tears, flailing on the floor, and shrieks—typical toddler behavior. Meanwhile, the adults were enjoying their drinks and discussing travel plans, work, and their children’s future education. I found myself chasing a distressed toddler while trying to keep him entertained.
While this scenario is not unique to my family, several autism-related challenges prompted our early exit from the gathering:
1. TV’s Limited Effectiveness
One of the few ways to help Liam settle is by allowing him to watch TV. This worked for a brief period, but after 45 minutes, he was restless and irritable. When the distraction of TV fades, it’s usually time to leave. I once thought I’d be a parent who limited screen time. Let’s just say that parenting is often filled with surprises.
2. Nonverbal Communication Challenges
Liam’s nonverbal nature complicates our ability to understand his needs. Family events can become tense when people who aren’t familiar with him are around. They can’t decipher his signals, and his agitation only escalates. It often falls to my husband and me to manage his needs, even when surrounded by family who would gladly help.
3. Difficulty with Change
Liam struggles to adapt to new environments. Unlike Mia, who can nap anywhere, he refuses to sleep outside his crib. Despite being exhausted, he would rather throw a tantrum than attempt to rest in a guest room. With no crib available and a missed opportunity for a nap, we faced an angry Liam.
4. Hyperactivity
Without TV as a calming tool, Liam is constantly on the move. He will explore every corner of the house, making it impossible for him to sit still during dinner. The only way he can participate is if he’s secured in a high chair, which often isn’t available at gatherings. If there’s no high chair, family dinner is out of the question.
5. Need for Baby-Proofing
At almost two years old, Liam still requires a baby-proofed space. Unfortunately, most homes without young children lack the necessary safety measures. He doesn’t recognize hazards, such as hot surfaces or sharp objects, and often needs constant supervision to avoid injury.
As a result, we decided to leave the Thanksgiving gathering early. My in-laws were understanding, packing food for us to take home without any complaints. I felt a wave of relief once we were on our way, even though our kids continued to cry during the drive back. At least we were only disrupting ourselves rather than the other guests.
Raising a child with autism can be challenging, especially when paired with the typical trials of toddlerhood. For anyone facing similar situations while visiting family, I recommend hosting at your home whenever possible. If that’s not feasible, try to recreate your home environment as much as possible by bringing familiar toys and maintaining your regular schedule. For instance, we should have brought a portable crib for Liam to sleep in.
In summary, navigating family gatherings with a child who has special needs can be overwhelming. However, with some planning and understanding, it is possible to create a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
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