November is designated as National Adoption Month, a time to celebrate and recognize the significance of adoption in our society. As a family formed through adoption, I appreciate the acknowledgment this month receives, particularly when it is highlighted through a presidential proclamation. It adds a level of formality and importance to the observance.
Our family may not define ourselves as an “adoptive family”; rather, we simply see ourselves as a family. Although we finalized our most recent adoption over four years ago, the details of our journey are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. Our conversations at the breakfast table often include words like “birth mother” and “adoption day.”
Public outings can lead to unexpected inquiries from my children, such as “Did my birth mom have brown eyes?” or “Why was I adopted?” These moments can be challenging and sometimes arise at inconvenient times, like while shopping at Target. Nonetheless, I strive to be open and supportive, ensuring my children feel positive about their adoption stories.
The Presidential Proclamation
Returning to the presidential proclamation, I have always felt a sense of pride in the endorsement of adoption at the highest level. It is encouraging to think that a broader audience may become aware of the joys and challenges of adoption. However, I find myself troubled by a specific statement made in this year’s proclamation: “Adoptive parents are a selfless and loving part of God’s plan for their future children.”
Let me be clear: this assertion does not resonate with my experience. Adoption was not a selfless act on my part; it was a decision made out of a deep desire to become a parent. My husband and I chose this path because we wanted children, plain and simple. In fact, I had to persuade him that adoption was the right choice for our family.
There is nothing inherently selfless about our decision. We were experiencing an empty nest after our daughter left home, and I yearned for the joys of motherhood again. It was a personal longing, not an altruistic mission. My motivations were undeniably selfish.
Moreover, I do not believe that our adoption was part of “God’s plan.” While my Christian faith has provided guidance throughout our journey, I cannot accept the notion that it was divinely intended for our children to be abandoned or born into a situation that made adoption necessary. Conversations with my children about their birth parents are often heart-wrenching, and I refuse to accept that this level of pain was part of a divine blueprint.
Adoption was a choice made by our family, and my faith certainly played a role in navigating the complexities that arose. It was not without its challenges, and I relied on friends, coffee, and the occasional glass of wine to help me through tough times.
A Call for Understanding
To the president, I am not part of a divine plan for my children; I am a loving parent who made a choice. I urge you to reconsider your wording regarding adoption and to educate yourself on the diverse experiences of adoptive families. Understanding their motivations can foster a more accurate portrayal of adoption.
As we celebrate National Adoption Month, we recognize those who have welcomed children into their homes and hearts, and we express gratitude to all who facilitate these adoptions. Let’s continue to strengthen the adoption process, ensuring that every child can thrive within a loving and permanent family.
Adoption is a multifaceted journey—beautiful, complex, and at times painful. To label it merely as “God’s plan” or to define all adoptive parents as “selfless” misses the mark. I endorse the awareness being raised during this month and hope that it leads to families considering adoption. However, I encourage a more nuanced understanding of what it truly means to be an adoptive parent.
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In summary, the celebration of National Adoption Month is vital, but the language surrounding it must reflect the realities of adoption and the motivations of adoptive parents.