Get Ready: The 2017 GOOP Holiday Gift Guide Has Arrived!

It’s that delightful season again! The 2017 GOOP holiday gift guide has made its grand entrance. Once more, Gwyneth and her team have curated an extravagant list of items that most of us can only dream about owning. This year is no exception; prepare for a mix of laughter, dismay, and a stark reminder of our financial limitations. It’s become a holiday ritual, really!

In response to the usual ribbing her gift lists receive, Gwyneth has humorously labeled one of her collections as The Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide. While it’s all in good fun, I must say, Gwyneth, leave the humor to the professionals. Let’s dive in.

Royal Spa At-Home Float Tank, $16,500

At first glance, I mistook this for a high-tech, glow-in-the-dark toilet. But alas, it’s a water-filled pod designed for you to climb into and seal yourself in—perfect for those who enjoy claustrophobic experiences. Can you imagine? Just floating in darkness, trapped in a plastic coffin. Oh, the joy of the holidays.

Ural Sidecar Motorcycle, starting at $14,499

Marketed as “for you and your ride or die,” this motorcycle is crafted in Russia for thrill-seekers hoping to traverse icy terrains. Or, you know, you could just use it to take your dog to the local PTA meeting. Because why not show off your wealth?

Rose Gold Champagne Tumbler, $2,590

Nothing screams “celebrate” quite like a $2,590 cup. And no, this isn’t a set; it’s just one extravagant tumbler. So, remember to bring your own rose gold chalice to the party. Cheers!

Blink And You’ll Miss It Remote Camp, price upon request

My guess? It’s a luxurious take on “Naked and Afraid” for the elite. They drop you in a remote area with a custom tent, and you’re expected to enjoy it. More like a nightmare in the wild, but hey, it’s Instagram-ready!

Chocolate Cutter, price upon request

Another “price upon request” item that likely costs more than your entire monthly budget. It’s a tool for cutting chocolate—because who needs to slice a Reese’s into four pieces? Just eat it!

Stuffed Animal Chairs, price upon request

I shudder to think how much these cost, and what do you even do with them? They’re sold out anyway, so it’s a moot point.

Yellow Submarine, price upon request

Oh, the latest trend is not listing prices. This gem is marketed as “for when the yacht is in the shop.” What is it with the wealthy and their obsession with claustrophobic toys?

An analysis by E! revealed that acquiring everything on this year’s guide would set you back over $6 million. Ah, Gwyneth, you never cease to amuse us.

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In summary, the 2017 GOOP holiday gift guide is a blend of over-the-top luxury and humor, reminding us of how the other half lives—while we all laugh and cry behind our screens.