By: Sarah Johnson
Date: November 23, 2023
It may sound unusual, but I often find myself reminiscing about my former mother-in-law, Nancy. This sentiment particularly resonates around Thanksgiving. For the majority of my adult life, I celebrated this holiday with my ex-husband Tom’s family. My own family lived too far away for frequent visits, so our first Thanksgiving together was spent at Tom’s childhood home.
I vividly recall that inaugural gathering over two decades ago. The house was filled with over thirty guests who arrived hours before the meal. The tables overflowed with an array of dishes: turkey, ham, a multitude of pies, pickle trays, and chocolates. The sounds of football echoed from multiple televisions, while children sprawled on the kitchen floor, engrossed in the festivities. It was a lively, warm atmosphere, filled with the delightful aroma of home-cooked meals. I had entered feeling a bit isolated, but was quickly enveloped by the welcoming spirit of my soon-to-be mother-in-law.
The celebration lasted throughout the day, welcoming neighbors, friends, and even acquaintances connected to the family. The following day, the festivities continued with leftover pie for breakfast and elaborate turkey sandwiches for lunch and dinner. There were no distractions of daily responsibilities; everyone was simply together.
In contrast, my family’s Thanksgiving was much simpler: a standard turkey dinner followed by a quick clean-up. I hadn’t realized what I was missing until I experienced the Chapman family’s celebrations. Nancy, with her loving and generous nature, made Thanksgiving her favorite holiday and worked tirelessly to instill that joy in others. She was a phenomenal cook who infused love into every dish and always went above and beyond to make everyone feel cherished. As a first-time mother, I often found myself advising her on not overindulging our son, Jake, but she continued to shower him with affection, as all grandmothers do.
Each year, I spent several weeks with Tom’s family, traveling and enjoying their seaside home while maintaining a close relationship with Nancy. We spoke regularly, discussing everything from parenting to careers, and I cherished her wisdom and support.
However, after Tom and I separated in the fall, I decided to send our kids with him for Thanksgiving that year. It was important for them to enjoy a holiday they knew and loved, even as I grappled with my own feelings of loss. I missed everything about that time—my children, Tom, and especially Nancy. I reached out to her, expressing my love and gratitude for the care she provided. To my surprise, she called me back, saying she was thankful for having me in her life. Unfortunately, that was our last meaningful conversation.
In the years that followed, I continued to keep in touch with Nancy, sharing updates about the kids and sending thoughtful gestures like birthday cards and flowers for Mother’s Day. I even sought her recipes. However, our dynamic shifted. The ripples of divorce affected everyone involved, and while Tom and I found common ground, I realized that my relationship with Nancy had taken a different course. She remained a cherished memory rather than an active part of my life.
Now, as Thanksgiving approaches, I feel a familiar sadness wash over me. For nearly twenty years, Thanksgiving meant bustling gatherings with the Chapmans. I miss that lively household, the delicious food, and most importantly, Nancy. Yet, a part of me continues to carry her legacy. I now host my own Thanksgiving celebrations, filled with laughter, kids, and comfort food. I use Nancy’s cherished recipes, filling my kitchen with the same love she embodied. My eldest prepares the traditional green bean casserole, while my not-so-little one bakes a chocolate pecan pie. We gather friends and family, often with a few furry companions in tow. Although some aspects have changed—like the absence of football—the warmth and love remain intact.
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In summary, the experience of Thanksgiving with my former mother-in-law profoundly shaped my understanding of family and love. Through the years, I have learned to carry on her legacy in my own way, creating new memories while honoring the past.