As a mother who has nursed for over seven years, I have some insights on the topic of extended breastfeeding, which I believe deserves a more open conversation. After nursing each of my children for well over three years, I find myself increasingly frustrated with the stigma surrounding nursing beyond infancy. It’s time for us to take a step back and CTFD (calm the frick down) about the practice of extended nursing.
There seems to be a perception that nursing a child who is no longer a baby is somehow abnormal or problematic. My youngest, who is now 3 years and 9 months old, nurses in a way that is different from infants or younger toddlers. Our routine is simple: when he’s tired, we go through our bedtime rituals, which include changing into pajamas and reading a story. Then, as I gently help him settle, he latches on, and we share a serene moment together. It’s a time of comfort and bonding, not an act of abuse or something to be ashamed of.
The idea that extended nursing is inherently abusive or inappropriate is a notion that troubles me deeply. If nursing is not abusive for a newborn, then why would it be considered so for a 3- or 4-year-old? Research indicates that many women who practice extended breastfeeding report a median weaning age of around 2.5 years, often extending to ages much older. In many traditional cultures, these practices are considered perfectly normal, suggesting that the stigma around extended nursing is more about societal expectations than about child welfare.
Critics often question, “How old is too old?” as if they have a stake in my parenting choices. It’s perplexing to hear such comments when, in reality, only around 34.9% of American infants are breastfed for a full year. Some experts claim that extended breastfeeding could hinder a child’s ability to self-soothe, but this assertion lacks evidence. My older children, who nursed until ages 3 and 4, have developed just fine and continue to engage in normal bedtime routines without issues of dependency.
Men sometimes express discomfort with extended breastfeeding, citing concerns about intimacy and relationships. However, these conversations should remain within the family context, rather than becoming public debate. The relationship dynamics between co-parents must be navigated together, and these personal experiences shouldn’t dictate the broader narrative on extended nursing.
Interestingly, when I asked my older children about their nursing experiences, they looked at me quizzically and said they didn’t remember. This highlights how natural and normal the act of breastfeeding can become, fading into the background of family life.
The American Academy of Pediatrics supports the continuation of breastfeeding for at least one year or longer, as mutually desired by both mother and child. As long as my child wishes to nurse, and I am comfortable with it, our choices should be respected without judgment.
In summary, extended nursing is a valid and beneficial practice for many families. Just as families should feel empowered to make choices that work for them, society should strive to be more accepting of diverse parenting styles. Let’s move beyond stigma and focus on what truly matters—healthy, happy children and families.
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