No One Hosted a Baby Celebration for Me

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Baby celebrations seem to be reserved for everyone else.

Engaging in small talk with an acquaintance of my aunt’s was easier than expected. While I may not enjoy it as much as he does, I inherited my father’s knack for striking up conversations with anyone, anywhere. My daughter was darting around, and the friend pointed out her notably fluffy diaper. I explained that we use cloth diapers. She shared her nostalgic memories of using cloth in the early ’70s, lamenting about her daughter’s struggles to find the right disposable options that wouldn’t break the bank or irritate her children’s skin.

I nodded along until she said, “And it’s just the worst with all those baby showers! You end up with heaps of diapers, and you just hope they fit your kids!”

I replied, “Well, we never had that issue.”

During my first pregnancy, my (male) best friend and his wife attempted to host a celebration for me. Only one person showed up. Seriously. I don’t have a large circle of girlfriends, and the few I had back then were childless. Everyone canceled for various reasons, unaware of how disheartening that was for me. My workplace, which was mostly female, forgot to organize anything until it was too late.

Now, with my best friend back in New York and having been a stay-at-home mom for two years, I noticed that my child-free friendships had faded away. I never expected a celebration, but society seems to think otherwise. I’m a 31-year-old expectant mother who shares cheerful bump photos on social media, just like everyone else. Baby showers have become the norm. Even for mothers expecting their second child, a little gathering is typical. Recently, I received an invitation to a surprise sprinkle for another mom-to-be. I’ve also seen photos of “light shower” events for several moms this year—some called sprinkles, others labeled diaper showers, book parties, or meal showers where friends prepare freezer meals for the new mother.

The prevailing assumption is that all expectant mothers are being celebrated. Why wouldn’t they be? After all, they’re creating a new life within them! Yet, it appears everyone in my circle thinks someone else is handling the arrangements. Someone else is closer, someone else will step in.

But what happens when those celebrations don’t materialize? A void emerges… or you cultivate it yourself.

For a long time, I allowed that void to grow. I remained dry and cracked, and to be honest, I still find myself in that state at times. However, I am learning to nourish myself because this is my baby we’re talking about.

We don’t need material items. I don’t require gifts. However, I yearn for acknowledgment. I want my children to be celebrated and recognized for the miracles they are. And I can take charge of that. While there may not be an abundance of decorations or cake pops adorned with little baby images, I can still create a celebration.

I’m letting go of the notion that a gathering equates to love. Not everyone has a shower. Most mothers around the world aren’t American friends sipping mocktails and enjoying cake pops.

I’m releasing the hurt associated with invitations and snapshots of others’ joyful occasions. Social media is not reality. I want others to feel happiness for me. No one is intentionally creating discomfort; it’s just the nature of life.

I’m also letting go of the expectation that everyone can provide the support and closeness I seek. It’s unrealistic to assume that they can. It’s unfair to both them and me. Often, I struggle to manage just my daughter’s needs and my basic self-care. So why should I expect more from others?

I’m going to celebrate myself. I brought a human being into this world. It’s incredible. I formed every single cell of my baby’s body. I absolutely deserve to honor myself. Moreover, I achieved this while caring for another child I brought to life. I may feel lonely, but I’m pretty amazing.

I’m going to shower myself—not with unnecessary items we can’t afford. I’m showering myself with grace, compassion, and love for this body that has built a family from the ground up.

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In summary, this narrative highlights the journey of a mother who, despite not receiving the expected celebrations during her pregnancies, is learning to celebrate herself and her children in meaningful ways.