I have four brothers who battle depression in various forms, including bipolar disorder and high-functioning anxiety. Their symptoms began to surface during their teenage years, but my parents were largely unaware of what was unfolding, often attributing it to typical teenage mood swings. Today, thanks to medication, my brothers manage to lead fulfilling lives, thriving in their own ways.
I’ve watched my siblings grapple with overwhelming guilt, asking themselves “why” as they strive to be resilient without seeking additional help. Witnessing how much this struggle has stolen from them has been heart-wrenching. I remember my mother, seated across the room in her favorite chair, tearfully sharing the time she rushed my older brother to the emergency room due to a severe reaction to his medication that made him feel suicidal. As a parent, she felt utterly powerless.
My younger brother has often remained in bed all day, unable to care for himself or his own children, describing the experience as akin to being submerged underwater. Both of my parents also faced mental health challenges but only recognized them in later years. With the right treatment now in place, they have transformed into happier individuals, benefiting from the resources that were scarce in my childhood. Just a few decades ago, mental health issues were rarely discussed openly.
My grandmother recounted how all her children relied on antidepressants. She herself suffered from postpartum depression but noted, “In my time, we called it the melancholy; children were sent to stay with friends, and you were told to lie down or suffer silently.” She also shared stories of her father, whose depression manifested in withdrawal and alcoholism, leaving his family in the dark during his absences.
I find myself wanting to combat depression fiercely; I despise the impact it has on my loved ones. Thankfully, my siblings now know how to seek help, but there was a time when they didn’t feel safe doing so.
Understanding Depression
Understanding depression can feel like an ongoing journey of self-discovery. When symptoms emerge, it’s common to scrutinize every action and to be harshly critical of oneself. You may hope that time, rest, or exercise will restore your former self, but often that’s not the reality. I cherish my brothers, yet it’s painful to witness their struggles, especially when I can’t fully comprehend their experiences.
For reasons unknown, depression has largely spared me, but I worry deeply about my children. My teenage son has become increasingly withdrawn since puberty began, which coincides with the onset of my brothers’ struggles. As they navigate their 30s and 40s, the effects of their conditions linger.
I find myself constantly assessing whether my son’s behavior is indicative of depression or simply typical adolescent angst. I make an effort to check in with him about his feelings, though I sometimes fear I might be overstepping as a parent. Yet, the idea of one day reflecting on a moment where I had to rush one of my children to the hospital due to suicidal thoughts petrifies me.
Research indicates a hereditary link to depression. While I’ve miraculously avoided it, I am surrounded by the realities of it. I believe I recognize the signs and know the questions to ask, but what if I misinterpret the situation? I worry about all my children, but I can’t shake the awareness of how little support existed for previous generations facing mental illness. However, I recognize the progress that has been made and remain hopeful despite my concerns. I may not personally relate to the depths of despair, but I can equip my children with coping tools if necessary.
Breaking the Stigma
I am committed to teaching my kids that there’s no stigma surrounding depression, whether they experience it or someone close to them does. I’ll continue to maintain open lines of communication and check in on them regularly, even if everything appears to be fine on the surface. I’d rather be perceived as a nagging mother who shows concern than to dismiss serious issues as mere teenage behavior and regret it later.
If you or someone you know is facing depression and requires assistance, please seek help from reliable resources.
This article was originally published on Dec. 1, 2017.