In discussions surrounding parenting, particularly in contexts related to Down syndrome and disability, the term “special needs mom” is frequently encountered, especially during the holiday season or when Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) come into play. While the internet is rife with articles, memes, and listicles that focus on this archetype, I do not see myself fitting into that category.
I am not a “special needs mom.”
Despite what some may assume—given that I am deaf, which is often classified under the umbrella of “special needs”—the reality of my situation is more nuanced. Let’s examine the needs I recognize in myself:
- Opportunities: I possess significant potential, and I require the chance to nurture that potential and witness its growth.
- Contribution: I seek fulfilling work or activities that allow me to channel my energy into making a positive impact in the world.
- Joy: Laughter and enjoyment are vital; I need to experience fun in my life.
- Community: Relationships matter. I need friends and connections with individuals who genuinely care about me.
- Affection: Love is essential; I need to give and receive it.
- Basic Necessities: Food, water, air, and financial resources are fundamental to my existence.
These needs are not “special”; they are simply human needs.
While I am a deaf person living with complex PTSD, these attributes define me as a mother with a disability—not as a “special needs mom.”
Now, if you’re suggesting that my label stems from my child’s condition, that brings us to my daughter, who has Down syndrome. Let’s evaluate her needs:
- Opportunities: She also has tremendous potential and deserves the chance to thrive.
- Contribution: Like anyone else, she needs meaningful activities that allow her to express herself and contribute positively.
- Joy: Fun and laughter are essential to her well-being.
- Community: She requires friendships and connections with caring individuals.
- Affection: The ability to give and receive love is crucial for her development.
- Basic Necessities: Food, water, air, and financial stability are necessary for her future.
Are these needs “special”? No, they are simply human needs. Her Down syndrome categorizes her as a child with a disability, not as a person with “special needs.”
In both my own experiences and those of my daughter, I firmly assert that I do not identify as a “special needs mom.” I am a deaf mother, a disabled mother, and a proud mom of a child with a disability, but I do not embrace the label of “special needs mom.”
For further insights on parenting during pregnancy and the importance of understanding your own and your child’s needs, you might find this excellent resource from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development useful. Additionally, if you’re interested in more information about home insemination, check out Make a Mom, which is an authority on the topic.
This article is intended to encourage a shift in perspective regarding the terminology we use and to remind us that the needs we share are fundamentally human.