I’ll always remember the day we tied the knot. It was a whirlwind of activity: missing flowers, absent friends, and unpredictable weather that swung from rain to sunshine. Yet, amid all the frenzy, you stood as my anchor.
As I walked down that aisle, nothing else mattered. You have always been my rock. However, there are moments when I question if you still feel the same way. Would you still repeat those sacred vows today: to cherish one another through thick and thin, in joy and sorrow, for as long as we both shall live? Because, my love, these are some of my toughest days.
I know you were aware that I battled with depression long before we exchanged vows. For 16 years, you have stood by me, and while you understood that hard times would come, it doesn’t make facing them any easier. I am truly sorry for the challenges this has brought into our relationship.
I’m not apologizing for having depression; it’s an illness beyond my control. But I am deeply regretful for how it affects you, for the pain I’ve caused, and how it has impacted our lives together. I feel remorse for the trips that went awry, the dinners that ended prematurely, the social events I chose to skip, and those nights when I retreated to bed early, seeking solitude.
I apologize for the unprepared meals and the clutter that fills our home, as well as the intimacy that has faded from our marriage. I know you want to be close to me, to offer comfort and affection, yet I often recoil. While some of this is due to medication that has diminished my desire, the deeper issue is that I sometimes feel unworthy of love and pleasure.
I regret my short temper and the frustration you often bear as a result; you don’t deserve to be the target of my anger. I’m sorry for the moments I’ve considered leaving, believing you would be better off without me. You genuinely want to support me, and yet there are times when I push you away.
Please understand that my struggles have nothing to do with my feelings for you. Depression is a cruel adversary, distorting my thoughts and convincing me of my inadequacies. But I want you to know that I am making an effort. I am attending therapy, taking my medications, and working hard to climb out of this dark place.
I know loving me isn’t easy, particularly during these challenging times. I ask for your patience and kindness. Please continue to embrace me, even when I seem distant. I hope you can forgive my sadness, my moments of anger, and the disconnection I feel during depressive episodes.
I am fighting my illness with all my strength, motivated by the love we share. You are my calm amid the chaos. After all these years, you remain my safe haven, and I would gladly renew those vows today, and I hope you feel the same.
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Summary
This heartfelt letter expresses apologies from a partner struggling with depression, acknowledging the impact on their relationship while emphasizing their love and commitment. It highlights the challenges faced and the efforts being made to improve and reconnect, all while inviting patience and understanding from their spouse.