The holiday season often seems to bring out the worst in people’s behavior. One question that arises is: why do some adults treat their children as if they’re not fully human?
While I adore the Christmas season—the decorations, the cookies, the festive spirit—I find myself feeling a sense of melancholy each year. This particular holiday season is on the quieter side for us. With my daughter’s recent play requiring a lot of time and my semester finishing at the same time, I’m ready to embrace the holidays without the pressure of getting everything done perfectly. It will be a nice time, but I still feel a heaviness in my heart.
During this time of year, many parents seem to lose their composure, and I have long been critical of conventional parenting practices—especially at Christmas. I struggle to articulate my disdain for some of the behaviors I observe. For instance, the concept of “present jail” has recently come to my attention, where a parent publicly shared a photo of a cardboard box filled with gifts. She explained that if her child misbehaves, any present left in the box would remain there until they could demonstrate “good behavior.” This approach, as she described, is meant to teach children that gifts are privileges, not rights.
When I first encountered this idea, I thought, “I should address this.” However, I’ve already voiced the message of kindness to children countless times. Yet here I am again, hoping that perhaps someone will read and reflect on my words—and maybe that someone is you.
The notion of children having to ‘earn’ their gifts is not only outdated but also cruel. Gift-giving is meant to be an unconditional expression of love. When gifts are withheld as a form of punishment, they lose their essence. It’s not a gift anymore; it becomes a transactional exchange, which transforms a loving gesture into something cold and manipulative.
And let’s consider the fairness of this practice. If an adult, say a spouse, came home in a bad mood, would anyone think it appropriate to withhold a gift like a new watch until they “behaved”? It’s absurd to think that this kind of treatment would be acceptable for adults, so why perpetuate it with children? They are still learning, navigating their emotional landscapes, and they need our guidance and support—not punitive measures that instill fear.
As parents, we must remember that our children are not perfect. They, like us, have moments of frustration and difficulty. They need our understanding and generosity, especially during the holiday season when routines are disrupted, and emotions can run high. Instead of punishing them, we should love and support them through their challenges.
It’s essential to convey the true spirit of giving to our children. When they are told they must earn their gifts, it sends a confusing message about generosity and love. Teaching children that gifts come with strings attached only breeds resentment and misunderstanding.
This Christmas, let’s commit to treating our children with the kindness and respect they deserve. They should feel valued for who they are, not judged by their behavior. After all, love is about giving freely, without expectations or conditions.
In conclusion, let’s aim to foster an environment of unconditional love and support for our kids. The holidays should be a time of joy and connection, where we help them understand the true meaning of generosity.
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Summary: The holiday season can bring out the worst in parenting, especially with practices like “present jail,” where gifts are withheld as punishment. Instead, we should embrace unconditional love and generosity toward our children, teaching them the true spirit of giving.