During my university years, I served as a Resident Assistant, predominantly looking after a group of white freshmen women. On one particular evening, a young woman named Sarah dropped by my room, a routine I had grown accustomed to. She hailed from a small town nearby and hadn’t ventured far from home before, which led me to offer her support and guidance.
A Frustrating Conversation
Then, this conversation unfolded:
Sarah: “You’re not like other black people.”
Me: *silence, knowing what was coming next*
Sarah: “You speak so well. You know what we call those other black people?”
Me: “Please don’t —”
Sarah: “Niggers.”
Me: “First, don’t use that word. Second, if you say that around the wrong person, you might end up regretting it.”
Sarah: “But —”
Me: “Leave my room, Sarah.”
Okay, her name wasn’t really Sarah, but it could have been.
I’ve encountered numerous variations of this frustrating dialogue; however, her words crossed a line.
Understanding the Impact of Language
I guess I fit the mold of a black person whom many white individuals feel at ease around. I’m often labeled as “well-spoken,” which is just a euphemism for “You sound like us. You sound white.” I’ve heard this my entire life, and I’m exhausted by white people presenting it as a compliment. It’s a form of racism, and I refuse to entertain it. I identify as black—deeply and unapologetically—so don’t mistake my use of proper grammar for anything other than that.
When you express this so-called praise, white individuals, recognize that it is not a compliment. Instead, you are implying that you see us all as homogeneous. You think we all communicate in one way until we don’t. It’s time to stop confining us to a singular narrative, as if a single encounter with one of us grants you insight into all of us. The reality is that most of you don’t know us.
Statistics and Misconceptions
Statistics indicate that only about 25% of white people have friends who are people of color. So, the truth is, your understanding of us is limited, and your efforts to truly know us are often lacking.
If you believe you have black friends, take a moment to reassess. White people often toss around the word “friend” to describe any acquaintance that isn’t clearly defined. Consider this:
- A coworker with whom you share lunch once a week.
- The teller at your bank.
- A random individual at your dry cleaners.
- A waitress at your go-to restaurant.
- Your mail carrier.
- Your doctor. (Really?!)
At the end of the day, you may find yourself claiming hundreds of “friends,” yet you might not even know most of their last names. Ask yourself: Do you visit their homes? Do you carpool their children to school? Do you call just to chat? Have they met your family?
So please, stop claiming you have black friends when, in reality, you don’t. If our relationship consists of sharing lunch weekly, that does not qualify as friendship.
Breaking Down Stereotypes
This misconception is why you perceive my “articulate communication” as out of the ordinary. You’re not interacting with many of us. Just like individuals who accept misleading narratives from sensational news sources, you form opinions based on what you see and hear. Unfortunately, much of this information is flawed. The media often portrays us as lazy, uneducated criminals whose primary aim is to disrupt society, which couldn’t be further from the truth. We aspire to successful careers, value education and family, and we certainly don’t wish to conform to your comfort levels.
The truth is, we don’t want to contort ourselves to fit your perceptions. My ability to speak clearly stems from my upbringing, not from a desire to integrate with white culture. My mother speaks similarly, and she taught me early on about the realities I might face. My advice? Don’t assume my comfort with you matches yours with me. Trust is hard-fought, especially considering the historical injustices perpetuated against us.
A Call for Understanding
Acknowledge the reality: you feel comfortable among your peers, and that’s who you engage with. The way I communicate says nothing about me as an individual nor does it define the broader black experience. I am not extraordinary for merely being able to articulate myself.
So, when you say, “You speak so well,” stop. This outdated notion needs to vanish. Black individuals are complex beings. Understand that to foster genuine connections with us.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, the phrase “you speak so well” is often a veiled commentary on racial stereotypes and ignorance. It’s time to acknowledge the depth and diversity within the black community and to understand that communication style doesn’t define identity.