Over the past few months, I observed a noticeable change in my daughter’s demeanor. She seemed more irritable, often retreated to her room for extended periods to tackle her homework, struggled with sleep, and indulged in late-night ice cream straight from the tub. I initially dismissed these signs as typical stressors associated with high school life amid a turbulent world filled with distressing news. Who hasn’t felt the weight of mass shootings, devastating wildfires, the #MeToo movement, and the ongoing challenges to our healthcare and civil rights?
I made an effort to check in with her regularly. I asked if she needed anything, how she was managing her workload, if everything was okay with her friends, and even what she wanted for dinner. Each time, she pushed me away, asserting that she had everything under control and that I wouldn’t understand.
After reaching out to her pediatrician, I was reassured that her behavior was typical for teenagers. My friends with daughters her age echoed similar sentiments, suggesting that she was distancing herself as part of her journey to independence.
I wanted to believe that my daughter’s mood was merely a temporary phase, and that my once joyful and energetic girl would resurface. Yet, a persistent feeling nagged at me—a mother’s instinct signaling that something deeper was troubling her, even if it wasn’t readily apparent.
Then, we received a devastating email from her school regarding a classmate’s suicide. This girl, who had moved from across the country and just started at the school, tragically took her own life weeks later. My daughter knew her, albeit slightly; she remembered her cheerful demeanor and the homemade muffins she would share. The news left my daughter in a state of despair, silence, and vulnerability.
A report from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) highlights a troubling trend: the suicide rate among girls aged 15 to 19 doubled between 2007 and 2015. Although lower than the rate for boys, the sharp increase among adolescent girls is alarming. My daughter’s behavior had already raised my concerns, and now I was on high alert, unsure of how to reach out without pushing her further away.
As my eldest child, each new stage of her life feels like a shared adventure, filled with uncertainty. I needed her to trust me, so I gave her space while remaining nearby. I occupied myself with tasks in the kitchen, making myself available during her late-night ice cream cravings or when she sought a snack. I tried to maintain a calm façade, although my heart ached with worry. Then, just days after the tragic news, she opened up to me, saying, “I’m depressed.”
The use of the term “depressed” was significant. She wasn’t just stressed or anxious; she articulated a deeper sadness. I enveloped her in my arms, fully aware of her struggle. I refrained from minimizing her feelings or questioning her understanding of them. Our family has a history of depression, affecting my grandmother, mother, and myself. While my mother managed her depression with medication, I have sought therapy for my own. I know too well the sensation of profound sadness without a clear cause, and how it can morph into anger when unaddressed.
Navigating the teenage years is notoriously challenging. Factors like hormonal upheaval, social pressures, and academic demands contribute to heightened stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, increased rates of depression among teenagers, especially girls, have emerged as a serious concern. A 2017 study revealed that nearly one-third of teenage girls will experience a first episode of depression by age 17, a rate nearly three times higher than that of boys. Contributing factors include low self-esteem and pervasive negative thoughts, compounded by constant digital connectivity and the pressures of social media.
When my daughter finally expressed her feelings, I felt a wave of relief. Understanding her situation, no matter how daunting, was preferable to silence. I recognize the importance of addressing depression, and I am aware of the necessary steps toward recovery. The initial step is always to confide in someone, followed by seeking professional help.
I wanted my daughter to understand that there’s no stigma attached to her feelings. I shared my own experiences with therapy and, when she asked about seeing a professional, I enthusiastically agreed. A sense of relief washed over her—perhaps what she needed most was the time to articulate her truth and someone willing to listen without bombarding her with questions.
Taking our children’s claims of depression seriously can be intimidating. As parents, we dread the thought of our children feeling so despondent that they struggle to get out of bed. We never want them to consider suicide as a solution to their pain. Yet, like many parents, I sometimes found myself at a loss for how to respond. What we can do is remain attentive to their emotions, reassure them that seeking help for depression is nothing to be ashamed of, and ensure they receive professional support promptly. While our teenagers may no longer need our hands to cross the street, they still need our support as they navigate their emotional landscapes.
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Summary:
This article discusses the challenges of recognizing and addressing teenage depression, particularly focusing on a mother’s experience with her daughter. The narrative highlights the importance of open communication and the necessity of professional help while also addressing the societal factors contributing to the rising rates of depression among adolescent girls.